from Wayne & Tamara
Fairy Tale Wedding
I was recently in a 7-week relationship with a girl I met online. We spent four straight weekends together, though we did not have sex, and we communicated every day through email, text and phone. Things seemed to be going smoothly.
The last time we were together, I noticed she seemed hesitant to give her opinion on certain things. I didn’t say anything to her in person, though I should have. Instead I told her my concerns in an email the next day.
Well, that night she calls to tell me she read my email and proceeds to tell me about her last relationship. I knew she had a past but didn’t know the details. She dated a guy four years. They were engaged for a year and a half, the wedding was planned, and they owned a house together.
Just before the wedding, she confirmed he was cheating on her. She left him immediately. They fought over money and material things—lawyers were involved—and she hasn’t contacted him since. This was a year before we started dating. She says she is close to being the person she was before that relationship.
By her account, her dating since then has not been good. I asked if we were okay. She said yes but canceled our plans for the weekend, saying she wanted time to do her own thing. She didn’t tell me she didn’t want to see me again or be in a relationship, though I would have understood if she had.
So I take her at her word and give her time and space. She texts me for two days, then stops completely. She won’t respond to a text or answer the phone. I drive to her place. She is upset and tells me to just leave her alone.
I didn’t take her for someone who would end a relationship like that. I thought if I gave her time she would eventually tell me what was going on. Well, it’s been a month and still nothing. I just want an answer to why. I’m not looking to rekindle the relationship. I just want closure.
Ned
Ned, many fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm live up to the name. They are indeed grim. In one tale, a witch eats children; in another, a maiden has her arms cut off; in a third, all the characters are drowned.
The woman you dated was living a fairy tale. House, husband, and happiness were all within her grasp. Bridesmaids were fitted, wedding invitations addressed. Then all was lost. The only happy ending was for the lawyers.
You were in a relationship of seven weeks and can’t get over it. She was in a relationship for 208 weeks. She had total faith in someone who betrayed her. Can you understand where she is coming from?
In explaining her story to you, it all flooded back. You hit an emotional trigger without knowing what you hit. She is still trying to get past “I was going to be married, I was going to have a family, the rest of my life was set.” Do you think she will ever get a satisfactory answer to why—why did this happen to me? But she gave you your closure. She is not past this.
Closure is moving on. That’s the whole process. You date and it is unsuccessful, again and again. Then it isn’t. You find your one. We can only hope that it happens for her.
Wayne & Tamara
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