Hometown Boy

By Wayne and Tamara Six weeks ago my daughter got engaged. My husband and I never got to know her fiancé well because she dated him while attending college in a different town. He seemed nice and she loved him, so we believed in our daughter’s judgment. Now I am not sure anymore. Here’s the thing. She will be graduating soon which is what brought on the proposal. They will be married at his church in the town where he grew up, a two hour drive from where we live. Since reception venues need to be close by, my oldest daughter, the bride-to-be, and I spent two weekends driving up to look at possible halls. After passing our information on to her fiancé, he decided we were looking at places that cost too much. He wanted to look for himself. He made appointments at two venues, a steakhouse and a country club. He told my daughter from day one she could have whatever she wanted as long as it was within the budget they agreed upon. When comparing the two places, my daughter and I decided the country club was a better choice for the money and the occasion, and it is within budget. But her fiancé set up a slide show of their wedding day and honeymoon showcasing only the steakhouse. He constantly talks about how are they going to afford the country club. If he wants her to have what she wants, why does he keep insisting the country club costs too much when the steakhouse costs more. This stress is getting the better of my daughter and myself. Traditionally this is the bride’s job, and her fiancé seems to be taking control and making the whole experience a nightmare. Dottie Dottie, boys don’t grow up dreaming of their wedding day. Girls do. So it might seem odd the groom is digging in his heels, but there is an obvious explanation. Somehow, perhaps because the bride does not have a church of her own, this has become the groom’s wedding. It will be in his town, in his church, with his friends. It needs to fit his people. Once the wedding became his, it needed to be done his way. At least that’s what he feels. He wants the venue to be correct for the people who will be there, and his mistake was telling your daughter she has a choice. Now she needs to ask him whose decision this is. If he says no to the country club, they can work from that point. They can discuss why each wants a different venue and whether their differences are greater than their love. Wayne & Tamara Reservations My boyfriend and I met his senior year in college--I'm still in school--and he didn't want to be tied down during his last college days. Now, two years later, things have changed. I was thrilled when he wanted to take things to the next level. Recently, however, I've been encountering a grass-is-greener mindset. I am surrounded by my single friends and our campus is definitely not conducive to serious relationships. What if I'm giving up the college experience only to have him dump me down the road for some hot chick in grad school. One night I let another boy kiss me. It was wrong, I know that. But that is as far as it went. I will work harder than ever before to be loyal and good to my boyfriend. But is this enough? Kaley Kaley, loyalty comes from the heart, and your heart is full of doubt. You gave us two excuses why you have a right not to be faithful: your boyfriend played the field his senior year in college and you fear he’ll dump you while he’s in grad school. Two excuses are two too many. Wayne & Tamara