Horse Sense

By Wayne and Tamara I have a question about ending a friendship. I would like to feel I did what I had to do, that I was not just being too sensitive. The woman in question was a friend of mine for some eight years. We shared a passionate love of horses; it was our common interest. In addition, during our friendship we both had troublesome relationships and helped each other through the worst times. Some months ago, however, I had photos taken of my horse and I. When I showed them to my friend, she accused me of being vain and basically said my horse was ugly. I stopped talking to her. I was horribly hurt. After several months, I made contact and slowly we resurrected our friendship. Well, just this week I bought a new horse, a 1-year-old Arabian. He is not the most expensive or impressive of his breed, but he is undeniably beautiful. When I showed his photos to my friend, she immediately criticized his appearance and asked if he was even purebred. I said, Of course, I have paperwork to prove it. My friend was openly hostile. She ended an email saying my new horse was ugly. She said she did not want to have to say that, that she was initially being polite for the sake of our friendship, but I "forced" her to say it. Her final word was an angry acknowledgment that she is not allowed to use the word “ugly.” When I read that, it seemed to me she is more interested in being right than in keeping me as a friend and saying a real sorry. This is all the more hurtful considering she made it sound like she was the victim. Maggie Maggie, this woman used her spurs on you, and you bucked her off. Bravo! You shouldn’t feel bad. She’s intentionally cruel. Her remarks were barbed and meant to hurt. Giving her a second chance allowed her to revictimize you. That’s irritating, but you don’t need her to acknowledge that you are right. You just need to end this. People like her are always right, especially when they are wrong. Wayne & Tamara Semiannual Review My husband and I have been married 12 years and have two kids. He has been asking for a divorce every six months since we got married. He says I don't treat him right, but I cook, clean, work part-time and we are together at least two times a week. Four months ago he again asked for a divorce and went to Reno to get his head straight. From phone records I found out he was having an emotional affair with a girl he went to school with, who lives in Reno. Then I learned he’s been in contact with another ex--you know, the one who got away, the true love of his life. Later I found a message to a third girl that said, like a fine wine you grow more beautiful each day. He says I am blowing this all out of proportion. He yells at me and calls me every name in the book when we discuss it. He even spit in my face. Am I supposed to forget this all happened because now he wants to work this out? Dani Dani, grain merchants use long probes to collect samples from different levels of a rail car or truck. They do this to measure the quality of the grain and to check for toxins. Your husband has collected samples of your marriage every six months and found it rotten. That you haven’t gone to a counselor, women’s center, or divorce lawyer after his threats shows how much his “sampling” has damaged you. You are too good for him and he knows it, so he beats you down. Contact one or more of the three sources we mentioned to escape this rotting relationship.