Dream Lover

 Dream Lover
Q I’m an 18-year-old girl who just finished her first semester at her new college. Things have been going okay, I guess, but there is something that keeps bugging me. I can’t seem to get over my crush from 8th grade. And no, that’s not a typo. . .since 8th grade.
Back then, 8th grade was my “transitioning stage” from wearing glasses and kids’ clothing to dressing more girly and wearing contacts. I was always called ugly and a loser back then. However, since my “change,” people in and outside of school made comments about how pretty and beautiful I am. Anyway, in 8th grade I had 4-5 classes with this boy. He was tall (still is) and had blue eyes and blond hair (still does) and was really attractive (still is). He was one of the most popular guys in my grade, while I was a shy girl with dark brown hair and hazel eyes who didn’t go out often. For some reason, he started talking to me. Even more than that, he sat next to or behind me. He used to joke with me, poke me, and in general, be very nice to me. He gave me a lot of his attention. It made me so happy!
This guy, why would he want anything to do with an unpopular girl such as myself? I didn’t know either. I was just so happy! This was the first time a boy, and a good-looking one at that, was genuinely nice to me!  Thus began my crush.
I had two classes with him in 9th grade. We talked and joked around then, but in 10th grade nothing. Then 11th grade comes, and I sat right next to him as his physics partner!
We talked and laughed together. He even patted me on the head when I put my head down to rest my eyes. . .it was a wonderful feeling. Then senior year rolls around and I barely saw him, except in the hallway.
I said hi to him a few times and he said hi back, but that was it. The next thing I know, we have prom (I was dateless, he took a random friend as his date). I saw him look at me a few times as I passed by in my dress, but that was it.
Then we had graduation. My last name starts with a “K” and his with an “L.” Three people were between us when we sat down to graduate. I saw him look at me a few times, but I thought it was nothing.
That brings me to college. I go to an all-women’s school, but many men from a coed school take classes at my school and roam around. However, I feel sad that my little talks and times with my crush have ended. But I can’t stop thinking about him from time to time.
I thought I would have the opportunity to meet new guys at my new school, but every time I see photos of my crush at his college with friends who are girls, I get jealous. Why couldn’t that have been me? It’s so unfair! The guys I see now don’t compare to him.
I know this sounds weird, but I’ve fantasized and had a few dreams where he was in it, and even in my dreams he was a gentleman. The last dream I had of him was yesterday. Unfortunately, my mom woke me up in the middle of it. The fact that I wanted the dream to last made me so mad I almost wanted to cry! I was so sad my mom interrupted, you have no idea.
I know it sounds stupid, but I just can’t get over this guy! I wish I could have been his girlfriend so I could do anything to make him happy, but it’s too late.
Monique
A Monique, we go through life. We meet a lot of people. Some of them older, some of them younger. Some of them are pretty, some are plain. Some are friendly, some are standoffish. It doesn’t mean that every one of them, or any particular one, is the one for us.
You happened to meet a guy your age, good-looking and friendly, who didn’t ask you out. He treated you well, but as a classmate.
Because he was handsome and nice to you, you saw him as someone to date. Though you were lab partners in physics, the chemistry that makes people like each other in that way was not there on his side. Everything else was made up in your mind.
Maybe as a boyfriend he would have been terrible; maybe as a boyfriend you would have been jealous all the time; maybe you were not ready for that kind of relationship. That you say you would do anything to make him happy means it was a fantasy. A crush.
What are crushes for? They are one-sided, practice relationships. You get over them and then start having real relationships. Now you must do the grownup part. You don’t get to measure every male by a daydream.
You may have heard, time and again, that you have your whole life ahead of you. But you do! You don’t get to pick a boyfriend like you pick next semester’s classes. It has to be a two-way boulevard. It might be next year, or it might be six years from now. We don’t know.
But it will not happen when you are focusing on the wrong place. It will happen when you are acting from the place where you now are, as a beautiful, educated young woman.
Wayne & Tamara             
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