Dead And Gone… So Now What?

Dead And Gone... So Now What? By Gary Payne, MBA Founder of Funeral Cost Ontario If I Died Tomorrow: What I’d Want My Family to Know in the First 24 Hours? This is not an easy thing to write about, but it may be one of the most useful conversations we can have. If I died tomorrow, I know the first thing my family would feel is shock. Nothing prepares the people you love for that phone call. And in the middle of grief, there is often an added burden - the feeling that decisions need to be made immediately. So if I could leave behind one small piece of guidance, it would be this: the first 24 hours don’t have to be rushed. Here’s what I would want my family to know. First, take a breath I would want them to pause before doing anything else. The world will not fall apart if they sit down for a moment, call someone close, and simply breathe. I hope they wouldn’t try to handle the first day alone. A friend, a neighbour, a sibling - just having another person present can make everything feel less overwhelming. Where I died would shape the next steps If I passed away in a hospital or care facility, I would want them to know that staff will guide them. The process is familiar to them, even if it’s unfamiliar to my family. They will explain what needs to happen next. If I died at home, I would want my family to understand that things can feel less clear, but support still exists. In an expected situation, they may call a doctor or nurse. If it were unexpected, emergency services may need to be involved. Either way, they wouldn’t need to solve everything in the first hour. There is an official step before arrangements begin One thing many people don’t realize is that an official pronouncement of death is required. In a facility, that is handled automatically. At home, a medical professional takes care of it. I would want my family to know that paperwork and legal steps follow a sequence, and they don’t need to force the process forward before it’s ready. Choosing a funeral home can wait a little I think many families believe they must contact a funeral home immediately. If I were gone, I would want my family to know they usually have time. They could take a day to speak together, to think about what kind of arrangements fit our values, and to include the people who need to be included. The first conversation with a funeral home does not need to cover every detail. It can start simply. They don’t need every document on day one I would not want my family tearing through drawers looking for paperwork in the middle of grief. Yes, they will eventually be asked for basic information - full legal name, date of birth, health card details - but those things can come together gradually. If anything, I would want them to write down the names and numbers of the people they speak with, because the first day is often a blur. I would want them to slow down when decisions and costs come up In the days after a death, families begin hearing about service options, timelines, and pricing. Funeral professionals can be helpful, but no one should feel rushed. If I could leave one clear instruction, it would be: ask questions, request written information, and take time. The first day is hard enough without pressure layered on top of grief. A final thought If I died tomorrow, what I would want most is not a perfect plan. I would want my family to feel supported, to move slowly, and to know that they don’t have to do everything at once. The first 24 hours are about taking the next step - not all the steps. Next week, I’ll write about a question many Durham families face early on: what funeral and cremation costs typically look like in our region, and why prices can vary so widely.