Hard Lessons

Hard Lessons By Wayne and Tamara I know this is all my fault. I know I had the right to say no, but I didn’t because everyone deserves a chance. The thing that hurts most is he knew the complications he was bringing into my life. My parents believe in arranged marriage, and they disapproved of this man. But I felt terrible thinking he knew I was intentionally not returning his calls, when he called five or six times every night. Gradually I gave in. During one of our conversations he told me what I now doubt really happened. His story was he loved a girl since high school, but she cheated on him. It didn’t end there. He kept stressing the disappointments that came his way, his hard childhood, and the betrayal that always followed him. I treated him with care, and he stressed that I could trust him no matter what. As things progressed he started nagging me to sleep with him, and that was my biggest mistake. I became emotionally sealed to him, and whenever he made the suggestion to meet for sex, I no longer fought it. Everything was good until I asked him what he would do if his parents decided to arrange his marriage. I was shocked when he told me that he wouldn’t fight it. Prior to this he told me he goes by his own rule. He even asked me to continue being with him until his parents arranged his marriage. One day I saw his car at the hotel we went to. I peeked through the keyhole and saw him and a girl naked. I can’t get that image out of my mind. When I confronted him, he treated me worse than a dog. I called his mother. His mother’s reaction still has me baffled. She was totally cold, like she just didn’t give a damn what happened to me, or what he might do to another girl. I want him to pay, but I have resolved to leave him and his mother in the hands of God. Throughout high school I fought peer pressure only for this to happen. I have decided not to tell my parents, and I have reached out to a few friends. I am undecided as to whether I should fulfill the promise I made about helping out with his study materials. I talked to a religious friend, and his opinion is promises should be fulfilled. I always wanted to live life without regrets, but thanks to my stupidity, I can no longer do that. Eva Eva, this man used two stratagems against you. He portrayed himself as a victim to evoke pity, and he insinuated himself into your life. He is a predator who stalked you, knowing all along what he wanted. Don’t give him the study materials. That promise was elicited through lies, and despicable behavior should never be rewarded. Aristotle viewed anger as a legitimate reaction to injustice. He felt anger protects us from making excuses for wrongdoing. You have every reason to be angry with this man, but don’t turn that anger inward. You were tricked. That happens to people at different stages of life, and they must be able to forgive themselves and move on. We cannot go through life attributing the best of intentions to others, and we cannot go through life attributing the worst of intentions to others. We must respond to others in a way appropriate to who they are. When we encounter predators, the wisest course is eliminating all contact. The wise thing now is to continue with your plans as they were before you encountered this man. You are a young woman with your life in front of you. It is easy, when we are young, to think some event has ruined our life. But life has many ups and downs, and it is in mastering the ups and downs that we master life. Wayne & Tamara