Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic Leads Us Into A
Wartime Economy
by Maj (ret'd) CORNELIU E. CHISU, CD, PMSC,
FEC, CET, P. Eng.
Former Member of Parliament Pickering-Scarborough East

  As we go deeper and deeper into the pandemic state we can see the wartime analogy more and more clearly. It seems that we are in a War Word 3 (WW3) situation, the only difference being, that the enemy does not use conventional or nuclear weaponry to kill people, but a very simple creature, a creature of which we do not even know if it is alive or dead; the virus called Covid-19. This conflict touches practically every country in the world. We are not talking of systems of government or alliances or power influences anymore, because the virus attacks everyone, rich and poor, powerful and powerless, believer and non-believer alike.
Here in Canada we are in the process of seeing the government borrowing massive amounts of money, close to 10 per cent of the GDP, into bankrolling equally massive amounts of spending. This sort of spending only happened in recent memory, during WW2. The central bank has reduced its prime rate dramatically to salvage the economy. In these early stages of the pandemic we have already seen close to one million people applying for employment insurance as of 16th of March. That number could rocket higher to 4 million, given that more than 2 million Canadians are without permanent work arrangements, according to RBC Economics.  The economic situation  is devastating, especially in Alberta, where the price of oil e is collapsing to previously unseen lows due to infighting between Saudi Arabia and Russia, on top of the Covid-19 pandemic.
One by one, provinces are declaring a state of emergency, with the forced closure of restaurants, public events and non essential businesses. It is left to the federal government to react in the future, if required, to declare a national state of emergency.
Here we clearly see a real wartime economy evolving, which is designed to do one thing above all: win the war against the enemy - in this case, the virus. Everything else is subordinated to that singular objective. Productive resources that might have been devoted to making consumer goods are diverted to the medical devices industry instead, and by and large the public accepts the sacrifice, in part because it's temporary.
The containment of the pandemic is essential and citizens are asked to contribute. It must be a collective effort based on individual responsibility.
For a couple of weeks now we have seen a completely different approach to the economy. Gone are the days of sterile economic punditry. Hot potatoes are everywhere, deficits aren't the devil's handiwork anymore, printing money to pay off debt is not so crazy after all, and basic income for the people is not taboo anymore.  It looks like industrial policy is back in style in order to convert normal production to war like measures to combat the virus.
Food, drugs, medical supplies such as ventilators are, or will soon be, in great demand. Welcome to the survivalist economy, where production is stripped down to bare bones; things that people cannot do without or they will literally die.
Governments at all levels have declared local food stores an essential service, drug companies are racing to find treatments and vaccines, and auto manufacturers are retooling their plants to produce life-saving medical equipment.
But what about the rest of the economy?
Money will be beyond tight. Every purchase will have to be weighed and calibrated. Middle-class people who took casual consumption for granted will tell their kids to use both sides of every scrap of paper and save not only leftover bits of dinner in the fridge, but even bacon drippings. The impact of this change cannot be overstated. It goes beyond businesses, economies and borders. It goes to the very core of our consumption-fuelled society. It will affect not only the people and companies who produce goods and services but our world views as well. Reusing and repurposing will not be virtues, they will become absolute necessities.
Whether it will represent a short-term period of personal austerity or a permanent paradigm shift remains to be seen. But for the next few months, or even years, it will be the new reality. Small businesses will go under in droves as demand for their products dries up and delivery channels are shut down.
The biggest casualty of this new reality might be the digital economy, previously heralded as the economy of the future. The most obvious victims will be online services for which demand will precipitously decline, such as travel apps and travel ads, when you have nowhere to go. This crisis will also affect online media platforms. No products, no money, no ads, no jobs.
Of course, not everyone will suffer in the new economy. Indeed, some sectors may actually thrive, but it will be a painful readjustment. This new reality is thus not an immediate and total economic shutdown.
We will see a domino effect as one business falls, another gets taken down, and yet another will rise in a quick succession.  This will provoke a cascade of further consequences.
This rapidly evolving new economic world will raise important considerations for the civil service, politicians and policy-makers as they attempt to navigate this new reality and stop the bleeding. They'd better be well prepared for these dramatic changes.
Instead of aiding every sector equally and immediately, they will need to monitor and project where the fallout lands and target help accordingly as each wave of dislocation moves through. They will need to consider social impacts, including crime that could flourish in this new environment. They will need to sustain people so they do not have to make harmful choices to survive, choices that could have long-term personal and social consequences once the virus is subdued and lockdowns are lifted.
This crisis will end one day and human ingenuity and the desire to survive are two constants that have triumphed over the darkest challenges, from plagues to famines to wars.
But what our lives will look like after the Covid-19 crisis recedes will depend on the choices we make right now as we navigate the crisis.
From staying at home to staying afloat, citizens and governments need to work together to come out better on the other side.
Are we prepared for this new reality?

The Weakest Point
Is Our Strongest Hold
    If anything this recent global attack on civilization should be a wake up call to be better prepared in case of another global calamity.
 Some have been calling  that China should be held responsible for this  horrific attack on civilization.   The London Press published an article  entitled, “Did coronavirus outbreak begin from infectious disease lab in Wuhan?”  
  Before anyone goes and gets all huffy and puffy.   We as an educated civilization must ask the right questions in order to prevent future incidents.   We must cut through the politically correct and call it as it is.  The facts don’t lie and if there is blame to be placed on any one country we must find the facts.
You must remember we are dealing with a communist country that are notorious for misinformation and covert undertakings.
Whether this global epidemic was caused by design or by human error. The world needs to know and those responsible should be held accountable as lives have been lost and liabilities in the trillions are still surging. 
The London Press article went on to explain:
 The National Biosafety Laboratory, located in the Wuhan Institute of Virology, is the only lab equipped to handle deadly coronaviruses.  And Wuhan is at the centre of the outbreak, with nearly 77,000 people infected and more than 2,500 deaths in China.
  The virus may have been carried out of the lab by an infected worker or crossed over into humans when they unknowingly dined on a lab animal. Whatever the vector, Beijing authorities are now clearly scrambling to correct the serious problems with the way their labs handle deadly pathogens.
However, the Wuhan lab said the accusation that the outbreak was caused by a leak has caused great harm to our research staff on the front line of scientific research.
China has all to gain and nothing to loose.   Before the attack.  China had just lost a huge trade deal with the U.S.   It appears that Trump had halted the decade long of raping and pilaging of the west for their own industrial benefits.
China was on the ropes.  Logically speaking.  What better way to retaliate the world then by attacking it’s people.
China is not known to be a military actions first as America is.   China much like they did to our trade and industry.  They are silent oppressors.   They slowly and calculatively take over and control market places.  This in part is the Chinese success. 
Some may argue... how can you say Joe that China would kill it’s own people.  That is absurd.
Yes it is.  For us in the west that is unheard of.   But we are talking a culture across the globe that does not like us.   A culture that is them first everyone else second.   A culture that has been killing it’s own people for decades.   From political oppression to general events that the rest of the world will and never hear about.
We must look beyond our logic our common sense in order to understand the Chinese end game.  Surely highly speculative, but the facts are out there.   We must put on our global eyes in order to make sense of their possible attack on the world.
Since Trump came out and publicly stated that this was “China Flu”.  China, has gone public stating that they now have no new cases other then those that foreigners are bringing into the country.  Like really.
One of two things.  One, they are all infected and they stop reporting.  Or two, the communist way of informing people has kicked in.   They failed to report cases and anyone reporting will be reprimanded with extreme prejudice.
The question that lingers in my mind is... what ever the source.  We have as a civilized society failed to be prepared.  The global think tank believes that if we stay away from each other long enough the virus will die off.   The question is that a real remedy.   As we stand in the first three weeks in Canada of this threat.   We lost a lot of life and affected our economy.
I don’t sleep at night wondering.  What if now that we are at our weakness.  Our water supply becomes compromised by yet another foreign attack?  What then. Would it be the end of civilization?  One thing for sure about modern civilization.  The worst is yet to come and when it does... this  is when we become strongest.   Sad that we must wait till such threshold.

COVID 19 MODERN DAY TROJAN

By Joe Ingino
Editor/Publisher

“I live a dream in a nightmare world”

COVID 19
MODERN DAY TROJAN
   As of Thursday March 5, 2020 news report read:  Two new cases of COVID-19 have been confirmed in Ontario, bringing the province’s total number to 22.   Of all the cases, the first four in the province have been resolved, with each of those patients testing negative consecutively at least 24 hours apart.
The question remains.... those sent home.... do they still carry the virus?  What certainty can the government give that these people are not carriers.
After all no one seems to pin point how the virus is transmitted.   Everyone speculates but no one can give any solid answers much like the vaccine for this virus still not available.   What is the complexity, could it be the governments of the world have no interest in developing a vaccine?
Just this friday March, 6, 2020 this headline was published:
All Protocols Followed and Risk to Ontarians Remains Low
TORONTO — This afternoon, Dr. David Williams, Chief Medical Officer of Health, confirmed two new positive cases of COVID-19 bringing the total number of confirmed cases in Ontario to 28. Of these, four cases in the province are all resolved, with each of those patients having two consecutive negative tests at least 24 hours apart. 
The Canadian government does not seem to put to much worry on this epidemic and keep telling the general public that Canadians have nothing to worry about.
The real question is how many lives will it take for the government wake up and realizes that 1. we have no vaccine for this virus and up to now we been treating as if it was the regular flu.  2. We have no real plan of action in order to avoid the spread.  The TTC this past week sprayed anti bacterial   solutions on key high travel areas.
What is the Canadian government waiting to do something about it.  Why does the chief medical officer keep telling the general public that there is nothing to worry about when people die and the virus is spreading at an alarming rate right across the planet.
Personally, I believe Canada and most world governments are being caught flat footed on a very serious public health tidal wave.
I would go as far as speculating that this was a plan by design to see how far  a virus can go through the globe. 
Sociologist for the longest time have been warning that over population is the beginning of the end to any civilization as eventually all resources become depleted and disease over takes life.
Governments have also know that population explosions are controlled in three ways,  1. War  2. Famine 3. disease.  If this stands true then what are we to make of this COVID 19 VIRUS?
Is this an attempt by the Chinese government to control population?  Could it be that this attempt to control their population through a planned disease that is now out of control?
Could this be the beginning of mass detention centers across the country in order to take control of the virus spread? 
The United States has already set out military facilities as centers to monitor, treat mass numbers of people in the event of a epidemic across the United States.
What will it take for the Canadian government to wake up and realize that this trojan horse is a very serious threat to national security and public health.
How many of us must die before the government says enough is enough.  One lost life should be one to many.   In the medical profession there seems to be this theory that every 50 years or so humanity is faced with an outbreak of some sort of virus... that it comes and goes...  Can we afford to sit and wait?   Today if you go to your doctor, they take your temperature, listen to your lungs and in most cases deem it the flu as we are in the flu season.   How do we know that thousands are not being misdiagnosed and sent back in the general population infecting even more people.   I think the Canadian government is acting irresponsibly by not taking a more pro active role in combating a virus that has no remedy other then drink  fluids, rest and possibly take antibiotic.  Can we afford to wait and see?  The trojan has been deployed how many Canadians must die before we take it as a serious national threat?

Major infrastructure projects of national importance needed in Durham Region

Major infrastructure projects of national importance
needed in Durham Region
by Maj (ret'd) CORNELIU E. CHISU, CD, PMSC,
FEC, CET, P. Eng.
Former Member of Parliament Pickering-Scarborough East
   Durham Region is a fast growing; dynamic region located east of Toronto, and is home to a highly skilled workforce, quality education and health care institutions, a growing technology sector and a unique rural / urban landscape.  Many of the communities appear in the national 'top 10 lists' of best places to live or start a business. They have an exceptional quality of life with communities that maintain the balance between urban amenities and green spaces as they are located in the proximity of the Rouge Urban National Park and the Lake Ontario waterfront.
   Unfortunately Durham Region had some major economic and social problems related to the recent closure of the General Motors facility in Oshawa and more problems are forthcoming with the imminent closing of the Pickering Nuclear Power Plant. That closure will create a drain of skilled workers from the region if no adequate measures are taken soon.
Durham Region does have several strategic priorities for the benefit of the residents and businesses to overcome these issues. It focuses on innovative projects and improvements to support the continued growth and prosperity of the Region.
Durham Region is committed to support some major infrastructure projects identified in the area but needs financial and related political support from both the federal and provincial governments.
This support is needed to continue to build a thriving community and overcome the infrastructure deficit estimated at a ratio of 1 in 10 when compared to the west end of the GTA.
The major infrastructure projects that are envisaged include:
1. The advancement of an airport and related industrial development on the federal lands in Pickering, which have been underutilized for close to a half of century, thus enabling the vision of a Toronto East "Aerotropolis".
The approximately 8,700 acres of land is sufficient to accommodate aerospace-related economic development, including transportation and logistics facilities, and indoor, year-round agriculture. The attraction of aviation and related companies to an airport complex will create thousands of high quality jobs, spark growth in the innovation corridor, strengthen Canada's global competitiveness, reduce traffic jams and strengthen business development in the region.
2. Invest in the implementation of a viable route planned for the Lakeshore GO East extension, which runs north of the 401, to ensure the transit expansion completes the integration of all GTA transit systems and meets the needs of the community and local business.
Metrolinx and the Province of Ontario committed to extend GO train service through Oshawa to Bowmanville along the CP rail line, with stops at Thornton Corners, Downtown Oshawa, Courtice and Bowmanville. The extension is supported by an approved environmental assessment, detailed planning, land acquisition and infrastructure improvements along the planned route.  All that is needed is action to implement the plan.
This project will provide the best opportunity to realize investment from the private sector, aid communities in revitalization of the downtown areas and allow residents to use public transit or active transportation to move between their homes and places of work rapidly and efficiently.
3.Partner with the Province of Ontario to ensure timely intake and approval of projects to build Durham's Integrated Rapid Transit Network.
The Region of Durham is developing infrastructure to continue to attract employment and residential growth. Forming a truly integrated network, the rapid transit lines will enable fast and reliable mobility for residents and visitors as they travel between the east GTA growth centers of Downtown Oshawa, Pickering City Centre and Scarborough Town Centre, connecting transportation, business and education hubs and contributing to the GTA's overall economic prosperity. Durham Region Transit (DRT) priority infrastructure projects will require support from the Investing in Canada Infrastructure Program (ICIP) funding with additional costs borne by the Region. The federal government has already committed $95 million towards transit in Durham. Receipt of ICIP funding is crucial for Durham to move these important transit infrastructure projects forward to meet the needs of our growing community.
4.The Connect To Innovate program to provide all Durham residents with broadband access.
Broadband (high speed Internet) provides connectivity in a world that is increasingly moving online.  Access to broadband is associated with quality of life and the economic competitiveness of communities. There are service gaps in Durham's rural areas and upgrading or installing broadband infrastructure is cost prohibitive for businesses, preventing them from taking advantage of innovative technology and increasing their economic vitality. In particular, Durham's rural communities need access to broadband due to the increasing use of Artificial Intelligence in farming. Connecting Durham Communities is of the utmost importance.
Presently the political representation for Durham Region at both the provincial and federal levels of government has the potential to give strong support to these initiatives. On the provincial side we have two senior ministers representing the Treasury Board and Finance Ministry, which are pivotal to providing financial support for capital projects. On the federal side there we also have Members of Parliament who are knowledgeable about the needs of the Region and senior enough to have a weight at the national level in promoting projects of national interest in the Region. If they are really interested in developing the Region I hope they will be able to work together for the benefit and advancement of the community.
Don't  you agree?

Solving homelessness without government

Solving homelessness without government
By Bryan Fischer
Homelessness is reaching epidemic proportions in America. On a single night in January 2018, there were 552,830 people experiencing homelessness in the United States. Slightly more than 1/3 of them – 35% – were unsheltered individuals. Government policies clearly have something to do with the problem. According to HUD, California has more than half of all the unsheltered homeless people in the country (108,432), with nine times as many unsheltered homeless as Florida, even though its population is only twice that of Florida. The states and jurisdictions with the highest rates of homelessness have all been governed for decades by Democrats: New York, Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, and Washington, D.C., which has a homeless rate of six times the national average. Los Angeles is awash in 50,000 homeless folks. San Francisco is being overrun with people who sleep in doorways and attack strangers with no provocation. The City by the Bay just lost a $64 million high-tech conference because conferees don't want to have to navigate piles of human waste on their way to dinner. Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington are likewise up to their earlobes in the problem. Santa Rosa, California is pursuing the most bone-headed non-solution in recent memory. City fathers there intend to spend $3 million to buy three buildings, buildings which right now are inhabited by renters. The plan is to kick all the renters out and move all the homeless in. Apparently no one is bothering to ask exactly how you solve homelessness by creating more homelessness.
All of these "solutions" are enormously expensive and absolutely not a single one of them will work. New Mexico is looking to taxpayers to cough up another $14 million to build a new government-run shelter, in what will prove to be a vain attempt to slow its 27% increase in its homeless population in 2019. Brain-dead regressives will simply throw more money at the problem, expanding the size of government exponentially and expanding the population of the homeless at the same pace. You always get more of what you subsidize. You want more homeless people, subsidize homelessness.
And homelessness is expensive. Nearly a third of all emergency room visits are made by people struggling with chronic homelessness, 80% of them with illnesses that could have been treated with preventative care. An average of $18,500 per year per person is spent on the homeless who visit emergency rooms. The optimum solution to chronic homelessness is what's called "supportive housing," which provides not just a place to sleep but help with life issues like mental health and character development. A solution must be found that provides supportive housing but does not involve government resources or the problem will never be solved. Government blights everything it touches, because just throwing money at a problem almost never fixes it. What follows is my suggested solution to start the discussion.
The fundamental solution is quite simple: get the government entirely out of the homeless problem. Phase out all taxpayer-funded government programs and transfer the responsibility entirely to privately funded non-profits. This must be accompanied with a resolve never to coerce taxpayers into coughing up dollars again to solve a problem government cannot solve. And it must be accompanied by an unambiguous commitment to religious liberty for these non-profits.
In my hometown of Boise, Idaho, the city tried to run a homeless shelter and miserably failed. So they donated the facility they had built to the local Rescue Mission, which was doing a fabulous job of, well, rescuing homeless men from the streets. Immediately, regressives went to work insisting that the Rescue Mission refuse to require residents to attend a chapel before receiving a free meal. The Rescue Mission had to go to federal court to protect a practice that was central to their ability to help vulnerable men. Doing all this will control public costs and place a cap on the number of homeless people any one city can absorb. Once the cap number is reached, and every privately-funded bed is occupied, vagrancy laws and public camping laws can and should be rigorously enforced. If recipients refuse to cooperate with non-profit homeless shelters, they can be given a bus ticket to the nearest city that still runs taxpayer-funded shelters. If that is the kind of help they insist on, then in Christian compassion let's help them get to places that offer that kind of help. Such government-run shelters are infinitely expandable whether they are helping anybody or not, since bureaucrats can always soak local taxpayers for more money and harangue them as cold-hearted if they balk at the astronomical tab.
Non-profit shelters, 90% of which will be run by people of Christian faith, will not just provide a bed and a meal. They will offer classes in developing responsibility, self-reliance, and a growing faith in God. There is nothing noble or compassionate about fostering a lifestyle of government dependency, which is all any government-funded programs do. The principle at a non-profit shelter will be simple: if a man will not work, he will not eat. Work might mean something as simple as becoming a volunteer member of the grounds crew for the local park system. (Back in the day, as Marvin Olasky writes, some shelters would send a resident across the street to chop firewood for his supper.)
If residents refuse to follow the simple but clear rules, they can be invited into the main office and given a bus ticket to some place where the government will take care of them as only the government can.
The role of elected officials will simply be to serve as cheer-leaders for the non-profits, helping by speaking at fund-raisers and cutting the red tape and regulations that stifle compassionate innovation. They also can use their influence with wealthy businesses and businessmen in their community to engage in genuine philanthropy. Not only is government-run welfare outreach doomed to fail, it is also unconstitutional. James Madison, the Father of the Constitution, voted against a congressional appropriation to help victims of a natural disaster. When asked why, he explained. "I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan, the Bad Priest, and the Bad Levite is on point here. The priest and the Levite avoided the beaten traveler like he carried the bubonic plague. But the Good Samaritan showed genuine compassion – not by running off to the nearest city council and demanding a new program or a new building – but by reaching into his own pocket to help the helpless victim. Liberals believe generosity is giving away other people's money, while Christian constitutionalists believe generosity is giving away your own money.
And note that the Samaritan didn't have to take the traveler into his own home to receive the praise of Jesus. He found someone who was better at taking care of travelers than he was, and paid out of his own pocket to free the innkeeper up to do his thing. We've tried it the government's way. Let's give James Madison, Jesus, and their philosophy a shot. It can't be any worse than what we're doing right now.

from Wayne & Tamara The Me-time I'm 20, my ex is 21. We've known each other since the fourth grade. We were always somewhat close, but we grew much closer in high school. Finally, our senior year, we realized we felt something for each other, at least I thought so, and we started going out. We were together about three years and eight months. In fact, today would be three years and eight months. Two days ago, he broke up with me. We had what I thought was a solid relationship. We talked about our future together, and he and I both said we believed we were soulmates. We both came with emotional baggage, but when push came to shove, we always managed to talk about things. He even asked me to move in with him next summer! I love him with all my heart and soul, and he said he did too. The problem is, while he says he still loves me a lot, there's a girl he met online he has feelings for. He wants to explore those feelings. Beyond that, he feels he hasn't been taking enough time for himself. He was so paranoid about how I would react to him wanting to hang out with his friends that he's been sneaking out to see them! He said he doesn't consider us apart, just “rocky.” Yet he took back the sweetheart ring he gave me. I was so certain he was the one, but what is he doing to us now? We're “rocky”? He still loves me? He asked if I'd be there for him if he was making a mistake. I said, if I was, I'd have to look where they stamped “WELCOME” on me because I'm not a doormat. I tried to let him go with grace, but I feel like I'm dying inside. My friends aren't here for me either. They're all wrapped up in themselves even though I've always dropped everything for them. Is that my mistake? Do I give too much? I don't know. But what do I do about him? Do I get over him, or do I hold to the hope he'll realize he's wrong? Cosette Cosette, you can think it’s love until the moment the other person says, it isn’t. Your ex wants to try another woman on for size. Will he tell her he has you waiting in the wings? Of course not. Consent to this and it puts you on his level. He knows you are a giver by the way you treat your friends. That’s what he hoped to take advantage of. He said he felt he could not see his friends because of how you would react. That’s like blaming you for not calling him Pooky, when he never said, “I’d like you to call me Pooky.” He made up something he imagined you would feel, but that has nothing to do with wanting to date another girl. There’s no logic there, just blame. So he drops this nonsense on you, and of course you couldn’t immediately process what drivel it was because it put you in a highly charged state. He should simply have said, “I am attracted to someone else. Can I have my ring back?” Still, we don’t blame either of you because what you two had was like. An internet girl came along and proved it wasn’t love. With the tiny experience of the world you each have, you liked each other more than you liked anyone else. You paired up over commonalities, years together, and what you call “shared baggage.” But commonalities often breed a false sense of closeness. You don’t need friends to lean on. You figured it out. No retry, second chances, or crying to come back to you. It’s over. Now you must get back on your path. You were making we-plans at a time in your life when you make me-plans. At your age, just becoming an adult, your life should be all about you. What are your plans, what are your goals, what does your future look like to you? That’s where to begin. Wayne & Tamara Send letters to: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com

from Wayne & Tamara

I'm 20, my ex is 21. We've known each other since the fourth grade. We were always somewhat close, but we grew much closer in high school. Finally, our senior year, we realized we felt something for each other, at least I thought so, and we started going out.
We were together about three years and eight months. In fact, today would be three years and eight months. Two days ago, he broke up with me. We had what I thought was a solid relationship. We talked about our future together, and he and I both said we believed we were soulmates. We both came with emotional baggage, but when push came to shove, we always managed to talk about things. He even asked me to move in with him next summer!
I love him with all my heart and soul, and he said he did too. The problem is, while he says he still loves me a lot, there's a girl he met online he has feelings for. He wants to explore those feelings. Beyond that, he feels he hasn't been taking enough time for himself. He was so paranoid about how I would react to him wanting to hang out with his friends that he's been sneaking out to see them! He said he doesn't consider us apart, just “rocky.” Yet he took back the sweetheart ring he gave me.
I was so certain he was the one, but what is he doing to us now? We're “rocky”? He still loves me? He asked if I'd be there for him if he was making a mistake. I said, if I was, I'd have to look where they stamped “WELCOME” on me because I'm not a doormat.
I tried to let him go with grace, but I feel like I'm dying inside. My friends aren't here for me either. They're all wrapped up in themselves even though I've always dropped everything for them. Is that my mistake? Do I give too much? I don't know. But what do I do about him? Do I get over him, or do I hold to the hope he'll realize he's wrong?
Cosette

The Me-time
Cosette, you can think it’s love until the moment the other person says, it isn’t. Your ex wants to try another woman on for size. Will he tell her he has you waiting in the wings? Of course not. Consent to this and it puts you on his level. He knows you are a giver by the way you treat your friends. That’s what he hoped to take advantage of.
He said he felt he could not see his friends because of how you would react. That’s like blaming you for not calling him Pooky, when he never said, “I’d like you to call me Pooky.” He made up something he imagined you would feel, but that has nothing to do with wanting to date another girl. There’s no logic there, just blame. So he drops this nonsense on you, and of course you couldn’t immediately process what drivel it was because it put you in a highly charged state. He should simply have said, “I am attracted to someone else. Can I have my ring back?” Still, we don’t blame either of you because what you two had was like. An internet girl came along and proved it wasn’t love. With the tiny experience of the world you each have, you liked each other more than you liked anyone else.
You paired up over commonalities, years together, and what you call “shared baggage.” But commonalities often breed a false sense of closeness. You don’t need friends to lean on. You figured it out. No retry, second chances, or crying to come back to you. It’s over.
Now you must get back on your path. You were making we-plans at a time in your life when you make me-plans. At your age, just becoming an adult, your life should be all about you. What are your plans, what are your goals, what does your future look like to you? That’s where to begin. Wayne & Tamara
Send letters to: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com