The Sad State of Democracy in Canada

The Sad State of Democracy in Canada
by Maj (ret'd) CORNELIU E. CHISU, CD, PMSC,
FEC, CET, P. Eng.
Former Member of Parliament Pickering-Scarborough East
Today I direct your attention to the sad state of affairs in the building of the LNG pipeline in northern British Columbia which crosses the Wet'suwet'en territory.  All the rules were followed and all the legal steps were respected in establishing the route of the proposed pipeline, yet suddenly protests were initiated all over Canada by a small minority in support of some hereditary chiefs opposed to the project.
The protesters have blockaded the rail system all over Canada in blatant disregard of the rule of law in this country. The services are crippled and people are being laid off. The damage to the economy is immense but nobody seems to care.
Protesters of many stripes have the upper hand in pockets of the country, probably not even Canadians.  The national interest has no defender today; not by the governing liberals, nor the week conservative opposition, or the other puppet parties. The preferred solution of the government is not a return to order and apprehension of the offenders but rather, the use of the so called "dialogue" mechanism.
This obsolete and amorphous prescription generated by the politically correct approach as the lowest form of leadership sophistry used by the government of the day, shows a complete isolation from the evident reality. Let's call a spade a spade, and call this vacillation and the evasion of responsibility.
A government that seems incapable of enforcing the rule of law or asserting the national interest has lost the will to govern and is not fit to represent the interest of the nation. It has effectively ceded the right to govern.
Dialogue is no prescription for those who refuse to listen because they believe themselves to be custodians of the only truth as communists usually do. They break the laws of the land with abandon, certain that they will face no consequences. This is anarchy.
Many of their complaints have been addressed extensively by the courts and by the responsible regulatory agencies and have been endorsed by duly elected band councils. Yet nothing but abject capitulation is what is being demanded.
Grievances of many kinds are used to justify what we are witnessing in various parts of the country, vestiges of mob rule, the antithesis of the democratic values we cherish and have been long established in our own Canadian identity.
Opposition to pipelines, the safest and most efficient means for transporting oil and gas, nuclear energy, the cleanest form of electricity generation,  and exploitation of our natural resources, has gone from irrational to hysterical.
Our competitors in the U.S., Australia and the EU, among other nations on the globe, can barely suppress outright laughter as they watch the folly and madness of Canada strangling the livelihood of hundreds of thousands of its citizens who prefer to work rather than protest.
India and China and even Japan mock us openly by going ahead with increased coal generated electricity while espousing empty commitments to the Paris Accord. Not to mention Russia, who thinks maybe the Canadian government will blame them for its current situation, claiming their interference in the internal affairs of Canada.
"Do you know that one of the great problems of our age is that we are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas."
Margaret Thatcher
Today we are living in a country where the political establishment lacks vision and leadership.  Instead of a clear sense of direction, they take refuge in politically correct wording and newly created mythologies. Instead of leadership, they subject us to babblings and senseless justifications based on fake feelings.
The rule of law has been parked in the holding cell. Our law enforcement agencies are idled, awaiting the direction no one in government seems willing to give. In the absence of firm political leadership, fingers are pointed everywhere except where they belong.
The priorities for any Canadian government are national unity, prosperity and security. We are now in urgent demand to decide, resolve and act to respect the above. Tensions are increasing in western Canada as efforts to develop their major energy resource are negated or red taped by excessive and useless bureaucratic regulations and malefic neglect. Our economy at this point is suffering, and our security is gravely compromised by the unwillingness of those who purport to govern to uphold the law.
Before we try to save the planet and lecture others about respect for the rule of law, we urgently need to refurbish the national fabric in our own country.
We are slowly sliding towards a national paralysis with the same degree of complacency and indulgence that brought us to these self-inflicted crisis policies that have crippled our competitiveness, set region against region, compromised our global image and left us quarrelling over unimportant and obsolete issues.
Let's be clear: All of these practices amount to sheer neglect of our present and the future of the country, and perversely, the tolerance for inaction in Canada seems to be at an all-time high.
We need a firm combination of leadership and action. What do you think?

THE AMERICANS ARE ON A WAR CALL FOR DEMOCRACY WE IN CANADA STILL PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS

By Joe Ingino
Editor/Publisher

   I was at the U.S. during the latest democratic debate.   No matter the town people  engaged. Everyone attacked another. Meanwhile Republicans enjoying the easy picking of info each candidate attempted to toss towards the other.   From whom ever they pick.  They are done.  To many wholes in the U.S.S.DEMOC
I understood that the Democratic party stood for:
 The modern Democratic party emphasizes egalitarianism and social equality through liberalism. They support voting rights and minority rights, including LGBT rights, multiculturalism, and religious secularism.
  To me it sound like if this stood true.  They in the name of inclusion.  Would no go public and slug it out.
I don’t think it is about winning or loosing... as I said previous.  NO chance to defeat Trump.   The way I see it.  Once Trump has served his terms as required by law.  He would have his wife run and she would win.  No question about it. The desperation by the democrats is so great that they are bringing a billionaire.  Then they slice him and dice him... maybe they are blinded by hate for Trump they heard a successful man...bite,bite,bite...without realizing maybe he would stood a chance.
I can tell you one thing from experience.  Ever since Trump took office and introduced the Oil and fracking to middle America.   America has become oil self serving.  No more arab oil.  I know America is very conservative as when you travel through some of those small towns.  They are friendly and polite but in an eery kind of way.  
The Democrats have run aground.  And now to Canada.   If Justin can’t figure out the magic potion.   Face west and look left comrade.  Learn from a guy that has turned his country around.
That pipeline is the ticket.  That pipeline is your re-election.   The country is on a downward spiral.  No jobs, no real opportunities and sit waiting for something possitive to take place.  Justin need to unite the country.  He needs to give a vision.  He needs to take direction so that future generation can look back and learn from.  NO INSTEAD IN CANADA WE ARE LEFT PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS.  It should be if it is good for the nation it is good for you.

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SHOULD CNN BE DEEMED AN ENEMY OF THE STATE?

SHOULD CNN BE DEEMED

AN ENEMY OF THE STATE?

By Joe Ingino

Plato's Republic presents a critical view of democracy through the narration of Socrates: "foolish leaders of Democracy, which is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequaled alike."

I remember during one of my visits to Cuba turning on the television and channel after channel Castro this Castro that. The political message was intertwined in the news items and you knew that freedom of the press was nothing but government propaganda. We snub our noses at socialist regimes not to mention communist countries as oppressive of it’s people. For the longest of time in the United States some people actually believed that Russians were born with tails and grew horns, especially during the height of the cold war. Crazy!!!

Well let’s look at the role of the media and how they can influence popular opinion. Governments throughout history have depended on the ability to oppress through the control of information. Whether it was to announce war or economic stability. The voice of government was deemed a source of acceptance, criticism and opinion.

The right message would control the population at large to do whatever government wanted.

With this said. One has to wonder about modern society as the general population at large are now for the first time in human history have the ability to access infinite sources of information on just about any particular topic. With the introduction of the internet. Myth is debunked. Popular thought challenged.

The governments of the world find the internet a threat to their stability as for the first time in history the masses can unite under popular believes and fueled their position through a variety of uncontrollable sources. Since the Internet hit the masses. Government all over the world have grappled with what to do. How to control it and how to manipulate it. Government pages don’t work. Mass media messages fail to hit their mark over the net. The only option available is to intertwine within the system in a format that people can relate. The open news networks. If a government has influence in one news agency then they can spread their agenda without the people knowing what is happening to them.

This in part explains the many network channels favoring one political party over another.

Take CNN for example. “CNN The most trusted name in news” or so is their slogan. Are they really? Trusted by whom? You can’t watch CNN for more than five minutes without hearing the word Trump in one form or another. Some may say that it is much like in Cuba a government controlled station. The only difference is that the name Trump is used in a negative way. Denouncing every action the President takes. Attacking the Presidents character, family, friends and etiquette. It appears that character bashing is their primary agenda. How can this be the ‘most trusted name in news’? How are the people to trust something that is obviously skewed towards a particular political party?

With all this talk of ‘DEEP STATE’ operating withing the United States. One has to wonder if CNN is not their news outlet. Their voice to the world.

A ‘DEEP STATE’, by definition: is a body of people, typically influential members of government agencies (DEMOCRATIC PARTY) or the military, believed to be involved in the secret manipulation or control of government policy.

CNN is clearly spreading propaganda and not news. By definition propaganda is: information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view. As for CNN, “BREAKING NEWS”. In the ‘Situation Room”, is nothing as giving themselves importance to spread a hidden agenda.

Is this not act of treason against the United States? Is this not anti-American?

Treason by defenition is: trea·son the crime of betraying one's country, especially by attempting to kill the sovereign or overthrow the government. The action of betraying someone or something.

If this stands true to definition. Is not attempting to defame, bash the office of the Commander in Chief and attempt to kill the integrity of his presidency in an attempt to create a social coup?

A coup by definition is: In a coup, it is the military, paramilitary, or opposing political faction that deposes the current government and assumes power.

Is this not what CNN attempts to do by attempting to influence people’s minds? Is CNN not guilty of being part of a DEEP STATE attempt to support a political coup of the United States elected government?

Can this not be deemed an act of treason against the people of the United States and democracy?

CNN by broadcasting bias news are they not controlling peoples opinion through a form of mind control?

Mind control (also known as brainwashing, reeducation, brainsweeping, coercive persuasion, thought control, or thought reform) is a general term for a number of controversial theories proposing that an individual's thinking, behavior, emotions or decisions can, to a greater or lesser extent, be manipulated arbitrarily .... Is this not the purpose of CNN.

CNN under the protection of freedoms and liberties can’t be touched as they run under the umbrella of freedom of the press.

CNN is the new weapon against the people. A form of playing with people’s ignorance. One thing that has to be remembered is that no matter how educated a person may be. The world clock stops for no man and we never know the truth that govern us.

Those that control our political system or as we know it. Our government. Have the ultimate control over our futures.

It is no more about the people. It is not about doing what is right. Democracy has become about money, power and control. It has become an oppressive power at all points of political interests.

Look at the shamble the Democratic party is in. CNN reporting on the democratic cacusses as if they are going to make any difference who they elect. The Democrats have no real contender to go up against Trump. This is why they are betting on bashing and slandering his good name.

The Democratic party is desperate. Unfortunately, the Democratic party has no real strategist to lead them to unity. During the debates more time was spent in fighting then showing unity on key important issues. This is not a time to air difference within the party. Now is the time to unite and all candidates pull for one of the same cause.

It is sad to see the real face of democracy. The candidates making empty promises and versing what could/would benefit the people. In reality it is clear that all the democratic candidates are in it for themselves. It is about a larger pay day and more power. Democracy is being tested as religion has. We live in a life of never ending change. Is CNN the voice of the DEEP STATE? Should CNN be deemed the enemy of the state?

What do you think?

THE TRUE ESSENCE OF DEMOCRACY EXPOSED

THE TRUE ESSENCE OF

DEMOCRACY EXPOSED

By Joe Ingino

Editor/Publisher

The old line, ‘BY THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE’ has been fashionable for the longest time when referencing the essence of democracy.

Unfortunately democracy much like most of the political ideologies out there have been exposed for what they really are.

Tools of controlling the masses through ideology that gives the general population a false sense of ownership and belonging in a society.

In reality they are prisoners of their own circumstances force to comply through law and norms.

We the people are sheep that need to be lead through confusion and false pretenses. We follow he/she whom bellows what we want to hear and devote our lives to causes that by their own riteousness are set forth to oppress us without our acknowledgement and or will. We are mislead to assumptions and presumptions that has us live in shelter of our own ignorance. We surrender our ability to fend for ourselves in the name of national security. We fall victims of a social system that is set forth for us to fail and anyone succeeding is extracted into those of governance.

Our society is made up of three types. The informed, the misinformed and the outright ignorant. Or as we best know them the rich, the middle class and the poor. No matter the political ideology all three exist.

One has to wonder how this phenomena is so true.

Just this past week I think the beginning to the end of American democracy has shown itself to millions of people.

During the state of the Union in the United States.... and event as important and significant to democracy as the Pope Easter message for the Christians. Leader of the opposing government showed what democracy today is all about. Vice President Pence noted it best.

Pence: Pelosi ripping up Trump's State of the Union speech 'was a new low' Administration.

Not only for the administration but for democracy. Her actions were inappropriate to say the least. As one of the top officials of government she should have used better judgement. Unfortunately her feeling and emotions over took her better judgement and she acted out. As some sort of child lashing out against authority. Her actions put under the microscope the American democratic system. A system that is supposed to be by the people for the people. In reality you can’t run for office unless you are a millionaire. You can’t take any office unless you are well connected. What does this tell you about democracy? That is a system based on cronyism wealth and power. It is a system that is as impartial as partisan. There is not real nonpartisan governance. It is hypocritical to think that. Pelosi actions clear showed that. During the speech instead of showing decorum and dignity for the office she hold and just sit there through the speech. No she looked at times as the conductor of a symphony as she set the tone for her cronies. Is that democracy?

I always believed that no matter if you win or loose you stood proudly behind your president. I thought that was the code of conduct and what it meant to be a good citizen.

Pelosi can have her opinion and her dislikes towards the president. She can even go as far as on her time take an active role in denouncing the president. But to do it during a formal gathering where the world is watching. This in my opinion is anti-American. It was a vindictive, self riteous act that served no purpose other than show how putrid democracy has become.

And now to the Democrats attempt to come up with a golden ticket to the presidency. From the Russians to the Hungarian's nothing sticks. Enough is enough. Use that negative energy to serve the people you represent.

It is not about the average person. This election is not about you or me. It is about them attempting to push and agenda to better themselves. To gain power to push their agenda and in the process gain wealth. This is not democracy. We need a new choice. A new system to govern our countries.

In Canada democracy has become a popularity contest. We in Canada don’t vote on merit. We vote on name recognition. I bet if old ‘TIM HORTON’ if he is still alive would run. He win hands down.

For this reason I support the People Party of Canada. A party to hopefully soon be registered. The PPC is about you and me. It is about bringing together the best from the right and the left and melt it down so that you the tax paying people of Canada get one hundred percent benefit.

Under this new party, we will introduce the concept of ‘PEOPLEISM’. A political ideology that incorporates the fundamental democratic principles of election and choice. The difference is that this new party will re-focus our priorities back to the Canadian population. Now don't’ get me wrong. It will have nothing to do with nationalism. This new party is about protecting your rights, it is about expanding your benefits and promoting the Canadian way of life. The new system will be heavily dependent on public opinion and public participation. Our great country was not made of one effort but countless efforts. Our country is great due to the sacrifice and hard work.

We are Canadians and we are tired of being used, manipulated and controlled by a government with a secret agenda. A selfish and preserving agenda. This has to stop. We need to take our Canada back. Want more information. Call 905-441-2657

BLACK HISTORY MONTH HOW CAN WE ALL BE EQUAL WHEN WE KEEP CELEBRATING DIFFERENCES?

BLACK HISTORY MONTH

HOW CAN WE ALL BE EQUAL

WHEN WE KEEP CELEBRATING

DIFFERENCES?

By Joe Ingino

Editor/Publisher

In these modern times one has to wonder why we are so confused.

How can on one hand, society force us to accept concepts/ideologies that go against our common sense and rational thinking and make the claim we are all so equal, yet on the other it celebrates obvious differences?

The news release it read:

Every February we celebrate Black History Month, a time when we honor the significant contributions Black Canadians have made and continue to make in our country. This is another opportunity to appreciate, as Prime Minister Justin Trudeau often says, that diversity is Canada's strength.”

One has to question the validity of the claim we are all equal when we have such division within equality. The questions comes down to are we truly all equal? Are we all prejudice and or bias and in part is what makes us so equal?

Is the celebration of one race’s achievement over another in itself wrong prejudice/discriminatory? This brings to question and to the realization that we all are the same under humanity but share different characteristics of equality.

If we entertain the fallacy then we must bring to further question the reasoning/logic of celebrating achievements base on color of skin.

After all the celebration clearly states BLACK. Not browns, yellow, red.

Are we to set a side for the ‘BROWNS’, YELLOWS, REDS in society. If so are we not being prejudice by isolating a people based on race, color of their skin?

Society is a system in place much like the Internet. Set forth for the general public in order to inform each other. But much like the Internet. Society has become tainted by popular thought, science, religion and government. All being piped out at us behind storm after storm of agenda based controversies. In part moulding our thoughts and opinions. Sublimenly, controlling our thoughts, choices and quality of life.

We believe what we hear not what we know based on common sense and experience. We hear what we want to hear in order to validate our confusion. Our intellect is nothing short of a skill that allows us privileges above others. We are confused by choice as have surrendered the ability to rationalize. To use common sense and to appreciate reality for what it is.

Raw and unfiltered. Modern society is so filtered that it has lost it’s essence. Social core values have deteriorated to the point that all it takes is an act against a people to spark violence in our street. Humanity has been filtered to the point that the irrational is rational and what was once deemed rational is now nothing short of insanity.

Personally I believe we are all special with special talents. Our forefathers achievements are exactly that. Our forefathers. Now note that in my quest to understand and in order to validate the fact we are all equal. I did not distinguish between forefathers as they all played their significant role in shaping history. If this is how society should act in the inclusion of equality and diversity. Then I ask again. Why do we celebrate ‘BLACK HISTORY MONTH’?

Canadian politics at the beginning of 2020

Canadian politics at the beginning of 2020
by Maj (ret'd) CORNELIU E. CHISU, CD, PMSC,
FEC, CET, P. Eng.
Former Member of Parliament Pickering-Scarborough East
   Canadian politics at the beginning of 2020
In preparation for the opening of the House of Commons on the 27th of January, political parties are working hard to get ready for the minority government.

The liberal caucus met for three days in Winnipeg focusing on their objectives in the context of the new reality; as a minority government they will need opposition support to survive and get anything done.

We know for sure that the first, immediate order of business once the House resumes will be the ratification of the new NAFTA deal, CUSMA (Canada, US, Mexico Agreement).

Passing CUSMA is one of the priorities for the liberal government. Whether it will pass or not is another question. It seems that the Bloc Quebecois won't support the new deal without more supports for aluminum workers, and neither the NDP nor the Conservatives are clear on their support, with both parties having said they want to review it closely.

Other items on the liberals' radar, include pharmacare, protecting the environment and stricter gun control measures, but there are no specifics on what may come forward as legislation or when. They are basically focusing on their campaign promises, but how they will be able to deliver is a question mark for the moment.

On national pharmacare for example, the Liberals could face opposition not just from other federal parties, but from provinces and territories as well, since health care is a provincial responsibility.

On gun control, the implementation of different Liberal proposals would happen eventually in a multi-stage process, with a proposed ban on assault rifles coming first, and a buy-back program later, but this will be a complex issue.

Meanwhile, on medically-assisted dying, Quebec's Superior Court has handed the Liberals a due date of March 11, to make changes to federal legislation, after the court found some parts of it too restrictive, and therefore unconstitutional.

So it seems that the Liberal plan for the winter sessions may be clear - CUSMA, pharmacare, gun control, climate action - but how and when they plan to move on most of them still remains a mystery.

While the Liberals are strategizing about how they will do business in the context of a minority government, the official opposition, the Conservative Party is involved in a leadership contest, after the resignation of their leader as a result of last year's disappointing (for them) election.

The Conservatives are trying to figure out how to become the governing party again, but they might make their own situation worse. Personally, I fear they may choose a leader repellent to the West and unattractive to the rest of the country.

However, the core of the Conservative problem appears to be far more complicated. They want to please everybody, but wind up pleasing nobody. They want to appeal to socially liberal young urbanites and their cranky rural base at the same time.

They promise lavish spending and stimulative deficits plus tax cuts and balanced budgets.
They want to appeal to Quebec while not appeasing it.
They want to cut equalization and increase it.
They want to eliminate corporate subsidies and give them to everyone.
They want to have internal free trade and a milk marketing cartel.
They are trying to move left and in the mean time seeking support of their right-wing base
These counter-objectives define the essence of the Conservative split personality that must be resolved if they are to succeed.  To be successful, a political party must have a unique and unified vision for how best to govern the country so it will move ahead both economically and culturally.

I am often bewildered at how they expect the electorate to vote for them as long as they do not have original ideas on governing differently from the Liberals, but only try to imitate them.

In view of this philosophical confusion and with a full leadership contest ahead of them, the Conservative efficiency in the House of Commons in the spring session will be predictably weak.
With regard to the other official parties in the House, the Bloc Quebecois and the NDP, their role might be more important in the context of a minority government. They have not yet revealed where they stand on some issues, but that will depend on the situation and legislation introduced by the Liberals. However, I do not believe they will be eager to bring down the government. The NDP especially, which lost half of their seats in the last election, reduced to only one seat in Quebec where they had  a stronghold before, will be cautious not to trigger an unexpected election in which they might lose their party status. So they will be trying to save face in the House in order to maintain their base support.

In conclusion, it will be an interesting spring in Parliament, and there will certainly be some surprises. We can be assured however, that this upcoming parliamentary session will be less boring than it would be in a majority government context. 

Don't you think?

Gifford-Jones: “People Are Dying Needlessly of Coronavirus”

Gifford-Jones: “People Are Dying Needlessly of Coronavirus”
By W. Gifford-Jones M.D.

Gifford-Jones: “People Are Dying Needlessly of Coronavirus”
          Why “needless” deaths from this threatening virus? Because doctors, health authorities, hospital administrators and politicians have not read history. Not even the Chinese!  This week several members of the Orthomolecular Medicine News Service (OMNS) were asked, “How would you treat the coronavirus?” Here are opinions of experts who study the potential of nutrients to fight disease.
Dr. Andrew W. Saul, an international expert on vitamin therapy, says, “The coronavirus can be dramatically slowed or stopped completely with the immediate widespread use of high doses of vitamin C. Bowel tolerance levels of C taken in divided doses throughout the day, is a clinically proven antiviral, without equal.”
Saul adds, “Dr. Robert F. Cathcart, who had extensive experience treating viral diseases remarked, ‘I have not seen any flu yet that was not cured or markedly ameliorated by massive doses of vitamin.”
Professor Victor Marcial-Vega of the Caribe School of Medicine responds, “Given the relatively high rate of success of intravenous vitamin C in viral diseases and my observation of clinical improvement within 2 to 3 hours of treatment, I strongly believe it would be my first recommendation in the management of the coronavirus.”
   He adds, “I have also used intravenous vitamin C to treat patients with influenza, dengue fever, and chikungunya, for 24 years.”
Dr. Jeffery Allyn Ruterbusch, Associate Professor at Central Michigan University says, “I believe all of us agree on the greatly increased benefits of vitamin C when people are placed under any stressful condition.”
Dr. Damien Downing, former editor of the Journal of Nutritional and Environmental Medicine, writes “Swine flu, bird flu, and SARS, all developed in selenium-deficient China. When patients were given selenium, viral mutation rates dropped and immunity improved.”
Several other authorities agreed that high doses of vitamin C, along with 3,000 IU of vitamin D, and 20 milligrams of zinc, was a good combination to help fight viral diseases. And Drs. Carolyn Dean, and Thomas Levy, both world authorities on magnesium, stressed that the mineral is involved in 1,000 metabolic reactions and that maintaining adequate levels improves immunity. Another over-riding opinion was that few people know that high doses of C increase immunity and destroy viral diseases.
This information is not new. During the great polio epidemic of 1949-50 Dr. Frederick R. Klenner, a family physician in North Carolina, treated 60 polio patients with high doses of intravenous vitamin C. None developed paralysis. This discovery should have made headlines around the world but Dr. Klenner’s news fell on deaf ears.
Later, Klenner proved that high doses of C could also be effective as treatments for meningitis, pneumonia, measles, hepatitis and other viral and bacterial diseases. Even the bite of a rattlesnake. Again only scorn from the medical profession.
What does this mean to North Americans? Patients with a diagnosis of coronavirus should be given intravenous vitamin C, and it will save lives. The problem is that most doctors still refuse to believe IVC is effective.
          I’m not your doctor. But my family and friends know to visit a health food store and stock up on Medi C Plus, a powdered form of vitamin C that I developed which allows for high doses to be easily consumed and which contains needed lysine and magnesium. Vitamin C pills will do, but you must swallow many of them. Start taking 2000 mg twice a day to build up immunity. If flu symptoms develop, take 2,000 mg every hour up to bowel tolerance, and see a doctor. Large doses of C cause loose stools. But better to sit on a toilet than under a gravestone.
Sign-up at www.docgiff.com to receive my weekly e-newsletter and follow me on Facebook and Twitter @giffordjonesmd.  For comments, info@docgiff.com

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Nightmare on Elm Street

Nightmare on Elm Street
from Wayne & Tamara
    I just separated from my husband this weekend, and my heart literally feels torn from my inside. But I asked for it. We've only been married a year. We dated two years prior to that, and I fell for him mostly because he is The Man of all men.
He is so precious, but I took advantage of that. We clicked so well. I started having family problems with my father and brothers who are alcoholics, and I wanted to be there for them, a little too much. I ran up there constantly (they live six hours away), and I made plans to have one of my brothers move in with me to get him out of a bad situation.
My husband disagreed. Ever since, there grew a distance between us. I started seeing someone else, never sexually, but it was still cheating. A few months ago I told my husband, and he begged me to work on our marriage. So we went to counseling.
A few weeks ago I started to feel our marriage was a mistake, so I brought up my feelings. He apparently had enough of hearing it and took all necessary steps to arrange our divorce. I guess that's why I'm writing. Not only do you now know how much of a loser I am, but also that I realize giving him up is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Let me tell you, I've faced guns put to family members’ heads as a child and that was a piece of cake compared to this experience. I bawled and felt empty all weekend. It's Sunday night and I'm about to lose it, but before I do, I want to ask you one thing. Would it be a mistake to move up north away from it all to be with my family, or would it be wise? Judging from what I've told you about my family I think I know the answer. I just need to hear it from some people who know their stuff. Remi
Remi, your father had a disorder. It might be his fault. It might be someone else’s fault. It might be in his DNA. It might be a disease. It might be the result of converging factors. We don’t care what the explanation is. His disorder was communicable. He infected your brothers with his disorder, and he also infected you. How deep was his infection? This deep.
Human beings have an inborn bias in favor of protecting the young. But your father was so deeply infected he couldn’t or wouldn’t stop drinking, though the disastrous results on his children were right before his eyes. Now you wonder if going back to the cause of your life’s problems is the answer. That idea makes no sense. It shows how deeply you have been infected.
A contemporary metaphor about nourishing contact between parent and child compares it to a friendly game of ping-pong. The parent and child volley back and forth, living life together. The child learns good habits and routines that will embed in their brain for a lifetime, and they learn they are cared for. But if the parent’s response is erratic or volatile, not to mention uncaring or violent, the child’s brain is patterned in a way which is so harmful as to be almost wicked. That’s the problem with alcoholic parents. To state the obvious, they are drunk, and almost all of us know what it’s like to deal with a drunk. Alcoholics live in a fictitious world of imagined hurts, wrongs, and misconceptions. It’s a world of things they will not face. At the same time, they nose-dive in the real world. Either the game of volleying doesn’t occur, or it occurs in a way that is potentially deadly to the children. Our short answer is don’t go back. Our long answer will come next week.
Wayne & Tamara      Send letters to:  DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com