Reworking The Past

Reworking The Past Five years ago my best guy friend and I became romantically involved. It was a great relationship. We’d been friends for over 10 years, and it naturally evolved into more. A year later he told me he loved me. I freaked out and never spoke to him again. There was a lot going on in my life then, but that’s no excuse for the way I treated him. Now, over four years later, I had a dream about him. I can’t shake the feeling he’s in trouble. I have his mother’s number, so I called her to see if I could get in touch with him. She said she would pass the message along. I waited for over a week, then left another message on her answering machine. I asked her to have him call me, even if it was just to say he hates me. That was a week ago, and now I’m just miserable. I’ve had dreams like this before, sort of like premonitions, too often to ignore this one. I can’t stop thinking about him, and need an unbiased opinion about what to do next, if anything. Please help! Carrie Carrie, your friend’s “I love you” was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The relationship was going in the wrong direction, and you let out what you really felt. Whenever we are angry, drop social norms, and stop playing nice, we always go in the direction of our true feelings. We may exaggerate or go too far, but we always go in that direction. You need to acknowledge this to yourself. Now you have had a premonition your friend is in trouble. Perhaps you are right, or perhaps it is a false positive. In any event, you acted on the dream and did all you can reasonably do. Let it go. You have done what you can. Your friend is under no obligation to contact you. Sometimes we are stuck waiting for someone to forgive us, other times we are stuck waiting for someone to ask us for forgiveness. Either way we are stuck. The point is to look at situations honestly, learn what you can from them, and apply what you learn to your life. In dreams, the characters are usually us or a part of us. Think about your present life. Is this dream really about you? How does this past event connect with what is going on in your life now? Wayne Better Left Unsaid One of my good friends has been dating this girl for a year. I was friends with both of them before they got together. Over the past few months I started having feelings for the girl, and we are best friends. This summer, while she was home, she called me at least twice a week and we e-mailed each other about five times a day. Now that school has started, we are all living in the same apartment building, each with our own roommate. She spends almost more time with me than with her boyfriend. I never intended to steal my friend’s girl, but I find myself thinking about her all the time. Not only that but she tells me a lot of stuff about their relationship, including all of his shortcomings. I’m just completely confused. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the school year. Jules Jules, this woman is treating you like a best friend, sharing confidences and using you as a sounding board. If she wanted a romantic involvement with you, she would break up with her boyfriend. The best thing you can do is make room in your life for someone else, and stop spending so much time with a woman involved with another man. Treat these two friends like a married couple. If you don’t, this is going to be an awfully long school year. Tamara Wayne & Tamara write: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com