The Strength in Solitude - How Toxic Relationships Destroy the Peace of Being Alone

The Strength in Solitude - How Toxic Relationships Destroy the Peace of Being Alone By Camryn Bland Youth Columnist In our everyday lives, we interact with dozens of people, each serving a different role in our lives. Some relationships may be professional, such as those with peers or colleagues, while others may be specially selected, like close friendships. No matter the environment, humans are social creatures who often seek connections and events. We constantly surround ourselves with others, and so we begin to lose sight of what it means to be alone. We have become so accustomed to interaction that necessary solitude feels foreign and frightening. Independence is no longer seen as a strength, but a weakness which resembles loneliness. Many people feel dependent on company, always relying on someone else to feel secure or validated. Craving constant connection can quietly strip away one’s ability to enjoy solitude. We begin to associate being alone with being unloved, when in reality, solitude can be one of the most empowering experiences a person can have. This fear of loneliness traps individuals in negative social circles due to a fear of isolation, especially in adolescents. In high school, friendships and an exciting social life can feel like top priorities. These four years are filled with parties, events, study sessions, or simple weekend hangouts, which all feel better when shared with friends. There are countless advantages to genuine friendships at any age. When you find the right people, friendships ensure you always have someone to count on, to cheer for you, and to make irreplaceable memories with. I love my friends, and I know I am so lucky to have them. However, not every friendship is based on this love, but on fear or jealousy. In my past, I have felt stuck in many draining social circles, which felt impossible to escape. Turning away from my friends felt terrifying and dangerous, even if they were damaging to my identity. Teens often feel pressured to be the most popular, and so they fear being disliked by others. When we become desperate for connection, it is very easy to fall into fake friendships and toxic relationships. Toxic friends may not always look like the exaggerated trio from Mean Girls, however they can be just as harmful. Friendships which seem supportive may be sources of stress, insecurity, and emotional strain. Even if these effects go unnoticed, friendships can shift from major sources of joy to a never-ending supply of drama and distress. In most social circles, gossip, belittlement, and recurring criticism are normalized. It may seem like playful teasing, comments which weren’t meant to hurt your feelings. However, there should never be doubt on if your friends are genuine and kind to you. Friends should encourage growth and authenticity, not try to limit who you are. In many cases, these normalized actions are not playful teasing, but genuine bullying disguised by smiles and party invitations. It can be difficult to recognize a relationship is unhealthy, however it’s even harder to act on this realization. Despite the temptations, ending a relationship should never be impulsive. First, it’s important to reflect on your own role and communicate honestly. Ask yourself if you act similarly and brainstorm how to fix your own actions. Communicate with your friend, and see if they are feeling similar to you, as they may also feel unseen in the friendship. It is important to have compassion for others in the situation, not just for yourself. Eventually, you face a choice to either rebuild the connection on healthier terms, or walk away. If someone dismisses your feelings or continues to make you feel unseen, I believe that’s not a friend worth keeping. Those are the relationships where major problems lie, which are not worth your time or energy. In some cases, it’s time to let go, wish them the best, and separate yourself from the negative influence. Letting go may hurt at first, but it’s a necessary act of courage. The most challenging aspect of breaking a connection is accepting the solitude which comes afterwards. We often tell ourselves it is better to be with harmful people than be alone. When constantly surrounded by others, being alone sounds terrifying. Once you are forced into this isolation, it feels unknown and confusing. This mindset is one which we need to break in order to escape negative influences who are weighing us back. Choosing solitude is not about loneliness, it’s about choosing peace over chaos, self-respect over insecurity. The moment you realize that your own company can be enough, you begin to grow. Ashley Corbo, an American influencer, captures this truth perfectly. On her social media accounts and her podcast, Trying Not To Care, Corbo has said, "It's better to be alone than be surrounded by people who make you feel lonely.” Her words remind us that solitude is not isolation, it’s freedom from being held back. When you stop wasting your love on others who don’t reciprocate, you begin to love yourself. You begin to realize you don’t need a friend to get coffee with, or a companion to go to the cinema. There should be no shame in being alone, as long as you are not lonely. Loneliness is a mindset which comes from disappointment in others, not yourself. So, live your life withhappiness and fulfillment, whether that be with others, or just your own company. Only with this acceptance can you make room for experiences, and people, that truly bring you joy.