When Other People Start Weighing In

Dead and Gone…

By Gary Payne, MBA Founder of Funeral Cost Ontario There is a point where the circle around a family starts to widen. It doesn’t happen all at once, but over a day or two, word spreads, calls are made, messages go out, and people begin to reach in. Friends, extended family, neighbours, people who have been through something similar before. If I were gone, I would want my family to understand that this is a natural part of what follows. People care, and most are simply trying to be helpful in the only way they know how. But something else begins to happen at the same time. As more people enter the conversation, more opinions begin to surface. Suggestions are offered, sometimes gently, sometimes more directly. Someone shares what they did when they went through it. Another mentions what they think is expected. Someone else focuses on keeping things simple, while another leans toward something more traditional. None of this comes from a bad place, but when it all starts to arrive at once, it can be harder to sort through than people expect. I have seen families reach that point, even if they don’t say it out loud. The decisions are still theirs, but the space around those decisions starts to feel more crowded. It becomes less about choosing what feels right, and more about trying to reconcile everything that has been said. That can create a kind of pressure that doesn’t come from any one person, but from the accumulation of voices. It can leave people second-guessing themselves before they’ve even had a chance to think things through together. If I were gone, I would want my family to feel steady in that moment. Not closed off, not unwilling to listen, but grounded enough to recognize the difference between hearing someone out and feeling like they need to follow what’s being suggested. It’s reasonable to take in ideas. It’s reasonable to consider what others have experienced. But it’s also reasonable to step back and ask, quietly and honestly, what feels right for the people who are actually making the decisions. One of the things that makes this more complicated is that people tend to speak from their own experience. They remember what mattered to them, what felt meaningful at the time, what they wish they had done differently. Those reflections are real, and they often come from a good place, but they don’t always translate in the same way for another family. Every situation is different, and what brought comfort to one person may not carry the same meaning for someone else. I have spoken with families afterward who said this part surprised them. Not because they expected people to stay silent, but because they didn’t realize how much outside input could influence the way they were thinking. Some found themselves leaning in a direction that didn’t quite feel like their own, simply because it had been suggested more than once. It wasn’t intentional, but it was noticeable once they stepped back and reflected on it. If I were gone, I would want my family to trust themselves enough to come back to each other before making any decisions. To take a moment, even briefly, to ask what feels right between them, without the noise of other opinions layered on top. That doesn’t mean ignoring people or shutting anyone out. It simply means recognizing that the final decisions don’t belong to the wider circle. They belong to the people closest to the situation. In the end, what tends to stay with families isn’t what others thought they should do. It’s how they felt about what they chose. Whether it reflected the person they lost, and whether it felt honest to them in the moment. If I were gone, that’s what I would want for my family - not certainty, not perfection, just a sense that what they decided felt like their own. Next week, I will write about something that often becomes clearer once that space settles again: how to recognize which decisions truly matter, and which ones don’t need to carry as much weight.

Little Dance

Little Dance By Bruno Scanga Financial Columnist Have you ever stopped to think about the sneaky little dance happening in your wallet every single day? It’s a constant tango between inflation and its inseparable partner, purchasing power. The truth is you really can’t have one without the other! Most of us don’t spend our free time pondering economic concepts, but understanding purchasing power is crucial if you want to hit your long-term goals and achieve true financial independence. Think about what financial freedom really means to you: it’s having the exact standard of living you desire, paid for in inflation-adjusted, after-tax dollars, all without ever having to get out of bed and punch a clock again to keep it going. Sounds amazing, right? But here’s the catch. To reach that level of freedom—and hold onto it—you have to plan for how inflation will slowly chew away at the value of your money over the next ten or twenty years. If you don’t build a sturdy shield around your hard-earned lifestyle, you might end up in the incredibly tough position of heading back into the workforce long after your retirement party. Sadly, we’ve seen this become a harsh reality for retirees who had to find jobs again following the heavy economic shock and soaring living costs brought on by the 2020 pandemic. So, what exactly is purchasing power? It’s simply a measure of how far each of your dollars goes when buying the everyday goods and services you need to live. You’ve probably heard friends or family joke about trying to “stretch their dollars” or feeling like “there’s way more month than money.” That’s shrinking purchasing power in action. When you are living on a fixed income, even a modest annual price increase of 2% (the official target set by Canada’s Central Bank) means you will have to burn through your savings faster just to maintain your current lifestyle. If you ever doubt this, just ask someone who has been retired for a decade or two! Or simply think back to your own childhood. Remember when a chocolate bar cost just a dime instead of $1.50? Ask a senior, and they’ll gladly remind you that an average family car today costs about the same as what they paid for a nice house back in the 1960s. That’s exactly why inflation and purchasing power are two concepts you absolutely have to keep in mind when designing your wealth-building and wealth-preservation strategies. Keep in mind that inflation isn’t just about the rising price of groceries or wage bumps. It also shows up as a general surge in asset prices—think real estate and equity investments—and an increase in the total amount of money floating around the economy. So, the next time you hear a news report about a government go ahead with “monetary easing” policies, pay close attention. Often, these large-scale strategies are designed to fix massive public debt problems or solve sluggish economic growth. However, a major side effect is that these actions can stoke more inflation and deliberately reduce your future purchasing power. The great news is that you don’t have to be a victim of inflation. With the right financial strategy, you can use these economic forces to your advantage. Reach out to a financial professional to discuss how you can adapt your portfolio today to protect your financial health for tomorrow!

Meeting Them in Their Game

Meeting Them in

Common Sense Health – Diana Gifford-Jones Video games have a reputation – and not a good one, at least among parents. For years, I kept my distance. “Brain rot” some experts say. I’ve said it myself, often and with conviction. I’ve worried as my four children have grown up, eyes glued to screens. But over the recent holiday weekend, I caved. My now adult children – gamers, all of them – convinced me to join them. When I sensed their genuine excitement at the possibility that I might finally enter their world, how could I refuse? The game was Minecraft, where players explore, build, and survive in a blocky, pixelated universe. Think digital Lego meets wilderness survival, with a dash of engineering. Before I could begin, however, there was the small matter of getting set up. This, I discovered, was no small matter. Out came an assortment of computer equipment that had been gathering dust in closets. A screen, keyboard, and headset. I was instructed to wear ear pods underneath the headset so that I could simultaneously hear a voice chat on my phone and the game’s audio through the computer. There followed a symphony of muting and unmuting on the phone, on the computer, and on the headset. I was assured not to worry. “We’ve got this,” they said. I did not. But soon enough, there I was: seated, wired, and ready. My grown children, now giggling playmates, were scattered across three different cities, with one just down the hall. Yet we were all together in the game. I could literally see their characters running circles around me. Then the real test began. “Click here, Mom.” Easy enough. Except that was merely the beginning of what felt like a neurological stress test. First, I had to grasp perspective. With the click of a button, I could switch from seeing the world through my character’s eyes to viewing my character from the outside. Then came movement. To walk, I had to use the W, S, A, and D keys with my left hand while my thumb hovered over the space bar to make me jump. My right hand controlled the mouse, which required sliding, clicking left and right, and scrolling with the middle finger. This was no walk in the park. My brain and coordination were being tested. At one point, I was tasked with making an iron pickaxe. “Simple,” they said. Except it wasn’t. First, you need to get wood for a handle. Then you must craft a furnace. Next, the mining, for coal and iron ore. Then comes the crucial insight: coal goes in the bottom of the furnace, iron ore in the top. The game requires players to use reason, but I would have been helpless without my kids telling me how to survive. There was laughter. Lots of it. Belly-bursting laughter. There we were: a family spread across distances, connected by technology, having a blast. But I was thinking about the health benefits. Mental agility, hand-eye coordination, memory, and perhaps most importantly, social connection. Most researchers don’t focus on games like Minecraft; they use cognitive-training tests that miss the elements found in the family fun I’m talking about. So they report modest improvements in attention, reaction time, and memory. But my guess is that a little bit of Minecraft among people of my generation goes a long way in boosting cognitive flexibility, spatial reasoning, and the wholesome happiness factor. Will I play again? I’m counting on it. Much as I love a good book or a quiet walk in the woods, I’m intrigued by the potential for games like Minecraft to keep me sharp as I age.

Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage By Wayne and Tamara I am writing during a trying time in my life. I am a 35-year-old mother of three children and just recently lost my husband. My siblings and I have been dealing with an alcoholic mother since we were born. There were harsh and horrible memories, but I believe we have all forgiven her. My father who did not drink, but worked two full-time jobs, divorced her when the youngest of us kids was a teenager. My mother has gone through ups and downs ever since. Two years ago she was arrested again for drunk driving. After realizing she’d be facing prison time, she attempted suicide many times. The worst time my mother landed in intensive care for a week on a respirator, unconscious, while her children, sister and brother sat vigil by her bedside. We were told if paramedics arrived 10 minutes later she would have died. Each time she attempted to kill herself, she called one of us kids to let us know and say goodbye after taking all the pills. Well, she ended up doing the time assigned by the court and came out at first a calm and happy person, but she wasn’t given her old job back. She has a fear of working in public, so she won’t take a cashiering job close enough to walk to. As a result she is about to be evicted from her apartment. Since I lost my husband, who was also an alcoholic, I’ve found a cheaper apartment for myself and my children. It has an extra bedroom I’d like to use as a playroom. My uncle offered my mother a place to stay, but she says she doesn’t like his rules. She is demanding to move in with me. She still drinks and has mood swings that explode at the drop of a hat. I don’t believe it would be good for my children so I told her no. I told her to stay with her brother. She told me not to consider her my mother anymore. Her last words were, “I’ll never hate you, but I’ll never speak to you again.” I feel guilty, but I also know my children come first. They are still dealing with their father’s death, as it happened just four months ago. I feel hurt and angry my mother cannot understand what she is doing to me at such a painful point in my family’s life. Marti Marti, you cannot comprehend why a drunken woman doesn’t understand what she is doing to your family. For people not raised in an alcoholic household that is not even a question. They would be astonished if your mother didn’t attempt to destroy your family’s life. When you were young, your mother prepared a cocktail for you and your siblings. She mixed normal with what is normal only in alcoholic households. One result is you can say “I married an alcoholic” as casually as another woman might say, “I was raised Lutheran, so I married a Lutheran.” Every aspect of your life, and now it appears your children’s lives, has been affected by alcohol. You say your kids come first. That’s only believable if you eliminate alcoholism from their home life. That you feel guilty about not bringing your mother into your home suggests you haven’t grasped the full extent of her abuse. Legal and medical professionals who deal with people like your mother couldn’t help her. You can’t either. But you can get professional help to grow past the trauma you were raised in. The last thing you want to do is replicate the horror of your childhood for your children. Living under your uncle’s rules may be the last chance your mother gets to put her life in order. Her life suggests families need to move away from saving the drunkard to saving the six or 16 lives around the drunkard which are being mutilated. Wayne & Tamara

7 Expectations Job Seekers Need to Let Go Of

7 Expectations Job Seekers Need to Let Go Of By Nick Kossovan Expectations are resentments in the making. Many job seekers today enter the job market with an inflated sense of entitlement, expecting employers to prioritize their self-interests over their own. Instead, they're experiencing a fiercely competitive environment where emotions are decimated, and proving your value to an employer's profitability is your only currency for getting hired. The sooner you realize that the world owes you nothing—not a job, not a reply, and definitely not a career built around your "passions"—the sooner you'll start working strategically on your job search. Success doesn't come from expecting what you think you deserve, which, as I mentioned, is nothing; it's achieved by what you're willing to accept—akin to Rocky Balboa's "You gotta be willing to take the hits!"—by maintaining a more resilient mindset than the job seekers you're competing against, who, for the most part, are busy whining about employers' hiring practices. Job search success in today's job market requires a disciplined focus on what you can control and an indifference to what you can't. It's imperative to let go of the following expectations: Expectation of Communication Silence is communication. You submitted your résumé, had a second interview, and then silence. Ghosting is no longer a breach of etiquette; instead, it's become a social norm. Today, recruiters and hiring managers conservatively receive over 500 applications per role and therefore need to rely on technology that reduces candidates to data points. Silence isn't poor manners or unprofessional; it's the message. Socially or professionally, ghosting is regarded as an efficient way for someone to let you know they've moved on, and you should do the same. Expectation of Feedback In a litigious society like ours, expecting feedback is naive. An employer giving feedback to a candidate they didn't select risks liability issues. In an era of 'strip-mall lawyers' looking for a payday, a single wrong word about 'culture fit' can lead to a discrimination lawsuit. A prudent strategy to avoid giving candidates ammunition for a lawsuit is to refrain from providing feedback to rejected candidates. Expectation of a Fast Hiring Process Corporate bureaucracy is a slow, grinding machine, and the cost of a bad hire, both culturally and financially, is exorbitant. As bad actors flood the job market with AI-generated résumés and exaggerated qualifications, employers are conducting more due diligence than ever. "Hiring is not a democratic process; it is a risk-mitigation exercise. Companies would rather leave a seat empty for six months than fill it with a liability." — Lars Schmidt, Founder of Redefine Work. If you're frustrated by waiting, remember that the employer cares about protecting its culture and bottom line, not your bills. Expectation You Don't Have to Sell Yourself The belief that your "experience" speaks for itself is a form of laziness. Job searching is a sales activity; an interview is a sales meeting. Your résumé isn't a trophy case; it's a marketing brochure. It's not what you did that matters to employers; it's what you can do for them by the end of the next quarter. Unless you clearly explain in your résumé, LinkedIn profile, and especially during interviews, how you'll positively impact the employer's business to make it more profitable, you should expect a lengthy job search. Expectation of Human-Only Reviews Complaining about Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) is like complaining about the weather; it's pointless and changes nothing. AI is a necessity for companies to sift through the thousands of mostly unqualified applications they receive. "AI isn't the enemy of the job seeker; it is the filter for the unprepared. If you can't speak the language of the machine, you'll never get the chance to speak to a human." — Jan Tegze. When the application process shifted from a handshake to an online portal, the "human touch" vanished. It's what it is. The Expectation of Guaranteed Networking Help No one is obligated to help you. Today, thanks to digital fatigue and heavy workloads, a stranger owes you nothing; someone you've neglected to stay in touch with owes you even less. When you haven't consistently added value to a relationship, don't expect to receive a favour when you need one. With a sense of entitlement widespread, most job seekers think pestering strangers and people they've lost contact with for "a job" counts as networking. Don't be that job seeker! Having expectations of others is more than just a recipe for chronic resentment and anger; it's a self-imposed hindrance that anchors you in a victim mentality. You can't change how a recruiter, hiring manager, or anyone else behaves, and quite frankly, it's not your responsibility to try. Your only job is to manage your own behaviour. The biggest obstacle between you and a paycheque isn't how employers choose to hire or being ghosted; it's your expectations. Conducting a job search with the expectation that employers will acknowledge your potential, without any effort on your part, to boost their profitability or hire you on your terms, is why many job seekers are frustrated and angry. The most effective job search strategy a job seeker can adopt is to lower their expectations of what's out of their control to nearly nothing and expect more from themselves.

When Procedure Becomes a Weapon at Clarington Council

When Procedure Becomes a Weapon at Clarington Council In theory, municipal democracy runs on rules. In practice, it runs on whether those rules are applied consistently — or selectively. And lately, at the Municipality of Clarington Council, the line between the two is starting to blur. The Illusion of Order You’ll often hear references to Robert's Rules of Order — the gold standard of meeting procedure. It sounds reassuring. Structured. Fair. Democratic. But here’s the truth most residents don’t know: Clarington doesn’t actually run on Robert’s Rules. It runs on its own Procedural By-law, under the authority of the Municipal Act, 2001. Robert’s Rules are, at best, a guideline of last resort — not a free pass for improvisation. So when they’re invoked loosely, or selectively, something else is happening. The Referral Motion Loophole Let’s talk about referral motions — the procedural equivalent of “send it back for more work.” On paper, these motions are simple: - Where is the matter going? - When is it coming back? That’s it. They are not supposed to be: - A second debate on the issue - A political soapbox - A workaround to revisit arguments already made But at Clarington Council, something different is unfolding. When “Where and When” Becomes “Whatever You Want” Repeatedly, we’re seeing: - Members speaking at length on the substance of issues - Arguments being re-litigated during referral motions - The Chair allowing broad commentary far beyond procedural scope And here’s where it gets uncomfortable: That latitude is not always applied equally. Some are cut off. Others are given the floor. Same motion. Different rules. Why This Matters (More Than You Think) This isn’t about technicalities. It’s about control of the meeting. Because when procedural rules are bent: - Debate can be extended or suppressed at will - Outcomes can be influenced without formal votes - Certain voices can be amplified — others muted That’s not governance. That’s procedural engineering. The Real Rule Being Broken Let’s be clear — this isn’t about misquoting Robert’s Rules. It’s about something far more serious: Inconsistent application of the Procedural By-law And under Ontario law, that raises real questions: - Are decisions being made fairly? - Is the process transparent? - Is the Chair exercising discretion — or bias? Because once rules become flexible depending on who is speaking… They stop being rules at all. The Consequence No One Talks About Here’s the part they won’t say out loud: When procedure is applied inconsistently, it creates: - A record of procedural unfairness - Grounds for formal complaints - And in extreme cases, exposure to legal challenge That’s not political theatre. That’s administrative risk. So What Happens Next? There are only two paths forward: 1. Apply the rules consistently - Limit referral debate to process - Enforce scope equally 2. Continue down the current path - And accept that the legitimacy of decisions will be questioned Because once the public starts to see the pattern… They don’t unsee it. The Bottom Line Procedure is supposed to protect democracy. Not be used to shape it. And at Clarington Council, the question is no longer whether the rules exist. It’s whether they’re being used as a framework — or as a tool.

MOM - ‘WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A REFUGEE…’

MOM - ‘WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A REFUGEE...’ By Joe Ingino BA. Psychology Editor/Publisher Central Newspapers ACCOMPLISHED WRITER/AUTHOR OF OVER 800 ,000 Published Columns in Canada and The United States I have seen firsthand the economic struggles many people are facing today—from those on the brink of eviction for unpaid rent, to families losing their homes to financial institutions unwilling to grant even a short extension. Across the country, the overall quality of life appears to be declining. Concerns about crime are rising, and the number of Canadians experiencing homelessness continues to grow at an alarming rate. This week, an announcement drew attention: Pickering to host an accommodation site for asylum seekers.According to Durham Region, a former hotel in Pickering is being converted into temporary housing for asylum seekers. The federal government has provided funding for the purchase of the property; however, neither the total investment nor the projected operating costs have been publicly disclosed. The site will serve as the Durham Reception Centre.Let me be clear—I have no issue with immigration. I am an immigrant myself. I came to this country with the same goal shared by many others: to build a better life, respect the laws of the land, and contribute meaningfully to Canadian society.I recall being asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer never changed. I was inspired by the uniform of the RCMP and the idea of serving a country that had given my family so much. To contribute to that legacy felt like both an honour and a responsibility. Today, however, I sometimes question whether that same sense of purpose is as widely shared. Canada has long been a nation built on diversity, but it has also relied on a shared commitment to integration, mutual respect, and civic responsibility. Increasingly, there are concerns about whether that balance is being maintained. At the same time, local governments are making significant financial commitments—such as the reported $7 million allocated toward a reception centre in Durham Region. This raises difficult but important questions: how do we balance support for newcomers with the urgent needs of Canadians who are struggling to afford basic necessities like food and housing? Behind these issues are real people—our neighbours, our families, our fellow citizens. These are conversations worth having, and perspectives worth sharing.

Composting Magic

Composting Magic by Larraine Roulston ‘Protecting Our Ecosystem’ International Compost Awareness Week, celebrated the first week in May, provides compost councils on both sides of the border, to celebrate the event with outreach activities. Composting is one of the most important actions that one can do to fight climate change and support a thriving, sustainable future for all life on earth. Call compost a heap, a pile, or a mound— it’s a world full of busy worms, insects, and billions of organisms. Bacteria, fungi, and protozoa, which are all too small to see, start the decomposition process. Compost heaps should be covered with leaves or soil to avoid attracting animals. A layer of soil also introduces microbes. If compost has a nitrogen odour, it contains too many kitchen food ‘greens’. To solve this issue, aerate the pile and add more dry leaves ‘browns’. Compost soaks up great quantities of water and stores it as a film on tiny soil crumbs called aggregates that give soil its structure. During long rainless periods, plant roots seek out and absorb this moisture. This results in healthier plant growth. DIY composters can be made from any of: slatted wood pieces, pallet skids, chicken wire, or cinder blocks. Large barrels with holes around the sides for ventilation and on the bottom for drainage can also be used. Commercial composters have a sliding door at the base in order to allow a shovel to access the finished compost. Tumblers sit sideways on a triangular stand. Organics decompose quicker when spun. Do not add worms. Unfortunately, its sliding door freezes in cold weather. You can place a tray underneath to catch any liquid which can be used as compost tea. Black ‘digesters’ are set about 15 cm (6”) into the ground. As they are anaerobic, they accept bones and meat - more suitable for small yards. Utilizing compost results in healthier plant growth. For businesses, compost provides a revenue from organic resources that contributes to a circular economy. Presently, rising fertilizer prices demonstrate a farmer’s vulnerability in relying on synthetic and mineral fertilizers. Compost will improve the resiliency of our agricultural systems and mitigate the consequences of future crises such as the one currently facing us today. "Fossil-fuel-based synthetic fertilizers are like steroids providing a quick boost of nutrients directly to plants for fast growth but do nothing for soil health. In contrast, compost – which is a made-in-America product – provides a feast for the soil, adding organic matter and fostering beneficial microbial life. This leads to slow release, long-term fertility and so many other benefits from better soil structure to higher water-holding capacity, which can make the difference in whether a farmer’s crop survives drought conditions or not.” Brenda Platt, Director, Composting for Community Initiative, Institute for Local Self-Reliance. Compost for residents results in healthier plant growth. For businesses, compost provides a revenue from organic resources that contributes to a circular economy.

Do any of the below factors resonate with you?

Do any of the below factors resonate with you? By Bruno Scanga Financial Columnist I hold traditional investments inside my holding/operating company I am looking to diversify my holdings towards an alternative tax advantaged asset class I want to increase the internal rate of return on my estate plan. I want to maximize the Capital Dividend Account balance (corporate IFA). I have an existing permanent insurance plan with cash value and want access today. I want to set up a charitable giving strategy without affecting cash flow. Did you know that you can leverage permanent life insurance policies using immediate financing arrangements? How an IFA works You own contract for a permanent life insurance policy which created significant Cash Surrender Value (CSV) in the policy’s over the years you owned it. The policy is assigned to a Bank as collateral to secure a line of credit. You pay the annual recurring insurance premium. You borrow back up to 100% of the CSV. (Or borrow back the entire premium by providing additional collateral security.) You use the line of credit for investment purposes – for example, to fund an operating business, purchase real estate or invest in a nonregistered investment portfolio. Steps 3-5 are repeated annually. When you pass away, the outstanding loan is repaid out of the death benefit and the remaining proceeds are paid to your beneficiaries. The two most common IFA structure 100% Cash Surrender Value Lending With this strategy, you borrow only 100% of the CSV of a policy each year which is, of course, less than the premium payment. The advantage to this structure is that the CSV of the policy creates a rapidly increasing borrowing capacity over time. The drawback is that there is a significant net funding requirement from you in the early years of the policy. 100% Replacement of Premium With this strategy, you pay the annual premium then provide extra collateral security – in addition to the CSV of the policy – to borrow back 100% of the premiums each year. The advantage of this structure is that you experience only a modest net cash outflow (net annual interest costs) in comparison to the death benefit, which increases the rate of return of the structure. The drawback is the requirement to provide additional collateral security. (However, the additional collateral security requirement may well fall and eventually disappear over time.) To get started with this always contact your Life insurance advisor and review the options that are best suiting your situation. Happy Planning!

Why the Information Doesn’t Always Match

Dead and Gone… Why the Information Doesn’t Always Match By Gary Payne, MBA Founder of Funeral Cost Ontario Founder, FuneralCostOntario.ca There is a point where things can start to feel a little unclear. Not right at the beginning. Usually after a couple of conversations. After a few explanations. After some numbers have been mentioned. You start hearing similar things. But somehow they don’t quite land the same. If I were gone, I would want my family to know that this happens more often than people expect. One place explains things one way. Another explains them differently. One estimate might seem shorter. Another… feels like there’s more there, even if it’s not obvious why. One conversation feels easier to follow. Another leaves people a bit unsure, even if they can’t quite put their finger on it. And quietly, a question starts to build. “Are we actually comparing the same thing?” I have seen families reach that point. Not because anyone has done anything wrong. And not because the family isn’t paying attention. It’s just hard to take in unfamiliar information when so much else is already sitting on your shoulders. Sometimes something looks lower at first. Later, the picture shifts a bit. Sometimes something feels more expensive. Then it turns out more was included from the start. That isn’t always easy to see in the moment. Usually it isn’t. It often becomes clearer later. After people have stepped away. After they’ve had a chance to talk it through a bit. After they’ve looked at things again with a little more breathing room. If I were gone, I would want my family to give themselves that space. Not to overthink everything. Just to let it settle. Because this is the kind of situation where understanding tends to come in pieces. Not all at once. There is another part of this that matters too. How something is explained can shape how it feels. A shorter explanation can feel simpler. A longer explanation can feel like more. But those impressions don’t always tell the full story. If I could leave one quiet thought, it would be this: It’s okay not to fully understand everything the first time. It’s okay if you need to hear it again. It’s okay to ask the same question a second time. Clarity comes that way sometimes. Slowly. And that’s enough. Next week, I will write about something many families find themselves trying to do at this stage: compare options without feeling overwhelmed by them.

Anger Is Its Own Illness

Anger Is Its Own Illness Common Sense Health – Diana Gifford-Jones “He preaches patience that never knew pain.” That line has been around for more than a century, and it still holds up. Spend time around people who are struggling, and you see why. Some are not just discouraged. They are angry. Angry at their health, at the system, at the people around them, and at life itself. Chronic disease changes everything. Diabetes can lead to amputation of a leg, sometimes both of them. Cancer brings fear and uncertainty. Arthritis limits movement and pain becomes a permanent companion. Others are trapped in situations that are just as damaging – abusive relationships, financial stress, or a system that promises support but delivers nothing of it. It doesn’t take much for frustration to turn into anger. But anger carries a very large cost. Research has shown that chronic anger raises blood pressure, increases stress hormones, and raises the risk of heart disease. It also worsens sleep and can make pain feel more intense. In short, it adds another layer of trouble to people who already have enough to deal with. I knew a man who lived this way. He was angry at everything. Conversations with him went in one direction. Nothing worked. No one was doing enough. Life had treated him unfairly, and he was not going to let it go. Then he had a stroke. Afterward, something changed. He was calmer. Less reactive. The anger that had defined him was no longer there. Doctors reported that the brain controls more than movement and speech. It also regulates emotion. When it is injured, behaviour can change. Neurologists have reported both increased irritability and, in some cases, a reduction in long-standing anger. But most people are not going to have a stroke that resets their outlook. There is growing evidence that certain practices can shift the brain’s patterns over time. Research in neuroscience is showing that even as we age, the brain is not fixed. It doesn’t stop adapting at some particular age. It can continue to be stimulated or exercised in ways that rewire certain circuits. Cognitive behavioural therapy, for example, teaches people to examine the thoughts that drive anger and disrupt entrenched patterns of thought. Mindfulness training helps create a mental pause before reacting. Exercise reduces tension and improves mood. These are not quick fixes, but they are supported by research. Still, many people resist. They feel their anger is justified. But being justified does not make it useful. So what do you say to someone who is angry with life? Telling someone to “stay positive” may not be a helpful message to people who are not yet able to appreciate the intention of the words. When consumed in anger, people perceive even olive branches as kindling to light a bigger fire. But there is a question worth asking. That is, is the anger helping? And it’s best to find the right person to delve into that discussion. Who is able to open and sustain a wholesome discussion about wellbeing? It might not be the most obvious candidate. But the point is to note that if the status quo does not involve good sleep, health, or relationships, then it may be time to try something else. This is not to deny the issues or pretend things are fine. But the goal is to reduce the cost of carrying that anger every day. And time is not always on side with these matters. Managing life’s challenges can be difficult enough on their own. Don’t make them even harder by just waiting for change. Make it happen.

From Ashes

From Ashes By Wayne and Tamara My life has been a disaster. My father was a legendary drunk who lied, chased women, and left us penniless when he died at age 48. My mother was hooked on prescription pills, smoked like a chimney, and was miserable until she passed. My sister is alcoholic and will probably die drunk. I managed to get a master’s degree and some successes, but typically in relationships I lose myself and the rest of my life crashes and burns. I’ve been so codependent in the past I lost a job by trying to please a woman. Then, of course, she left because I didn’t have a job! I suppose I have to laugh about that. I had some problems with booze also, but I haven’t drunk in 12 years. Here is something you wrote which definitely applies to me: “The effects on children of living with an alcoholic are well known. These include depression, inability to form close relationships, relentless self-criticism, inability to complete projects, and constant approval seeking. Children growing up in a household with an alcoholic are damaged children.” I am resilient and keep going, trying to live a spiritual life, but sometimes feel like giving up. I married a beautiful but materialistic woman who committed adultery with a wealthy man, stole my money, and left after she put a curse on me with a chicken egg. No, I’m not kidding. I obviously made a bad decision. I didn’t drink a drop through all this, but now I have little hope for the future. It could be a lot worse. I have little money, but at least I have no alimony or child support payments. I am physically healthy, and I have a good job. My question is: what hope is there for us damaged folk? I’ve made a ton of progress from where I was 20 years ago, but I am afraid to do anything now lest some unknown character defect, caused by my childhood, ambush my thinking and cause me more pain in the future. I have become the poster boy for caution. Clint Clint, the children of alcoholics live in their own levels of Dante’s hell. Their life begins, as the poet said, in a place “savage, rough, and stern, which in the very thought renews the fear.” The worst thing about such families is that they take away the passion for life. But that passion can be restored. Don’t take where you are now as a bad thing. Count yourself lucky. You are a newborn. You are at a perfect starting point. You have your health, you are not drinking, you have a job. Through some hard knocks, you know your weaknesses. You are ready to begin. The well-lived life is full of adventures. It involves learning skills, reading books, taking hot air balloon rides, rebuilding motors, and learning to fly fish. It includes things no one can ever take from you. Think of what you want to accomplish for yourself and fill your own well. When your well is filled, you will have a sense of: look at what is all happening for me. Rediscovering your passions and putting yourself in the way of things brings you in contact with people who are alive. Surround yourself with others whose flame burns bright. Go to them, not to steal their fire, but to inspire you. Go on a retreat, join a gym, begin tai chi, find a therapist, or just relax. Explore. “We want the world and we want it…Now!” says a song by the Doors. But it doesn’t happen now. It happens by degrees, and one day we wake up and bad memories are like dead dates in a history book. They have no emotional charge. Then, instead of desperately searching for someone, instead of being attracted by a female’s facade, you will find the kindred flame that also burns within you. Wayne & Tamara

Tailor Your Answers to the Employer’s Needs

Tailor Your Answers to the Employer’s Needs By Nick Kossovan Employers don't care about your past; they care about their future. Yet most candidates walk into an interview prepared to recite their career history (read: water under the bridge) as if it were a biopic. They then wait for questions that'll give them a chance to explain why they're the right candidate for the job. When those questions aren't asked, which is very likely, they feel they didn't adequately convey their suitability for the job. Waiting and hoping your interviewer recognizes your value isn't a viable strategy; it's a gamble with very low odds. Savvy job seekers don't just answer questions; they manage the interview. They don't see the interviewer's inexperience, vagueness, or unpreparedness as obstacles; rather, they see them as opportunities to steer the interview towards their value-add. They also understand that interviews are sales meetings, and it's their job to convince the employer that hiring them would be a good investment. Every interaction with an employer, whether through your resume, cover letter, LinkedIn profile, or especially during interviews, is your chance to show that you understand their business and how you can contribute to their profitability. Based on my experience, the majority of those who conduct hiring interviews do so as an appendage to their core responsibilities. Unless you're speaking with a full-time recruiter or HR, the person across from you is likely your future boss, who has a mountain of other responsibilities. Inevitably, there'll be times when your interview will be an interruption to your interviewer's workday, which, if it's filled with 'goings on', they'll have their head elsewhere. I've conducted many less-than-ideal interviews sandwiched between meetings, 'putting out fires,' or while dwelling on pressing matters. This lack of focus is precisely why your interviewer may not have read your resume, may not remember reading it, and may ask vague, unstructured questions. When an interview starts to feel messy, your initial reaction might be to think, "This isn't going well!" However, a messy interview is an excellent opportunity to sell yourself. Remember, an interview is a sales meeting. Don't wait for perfect questions; instead, subtly guide your interviewer. Tailor your answers to show you'd be a value-add to the employer's profitability. · Weak Question: "So… tell me about your experience." · Tailored Answer: "I've spent fifteen years in operations, but to make this most useful for you, I'll focus on the parts most relevant to this role—specifically where I've led teams through high-pressure execution challenges and reduced overhead by 20%." · Why it works: You're setting the direction. Rather than giving a long, unfocused history of your career, as most candidates do, you're presenting your skills and experience according to the job's requirements. · Weak Question: "Tell me about a challenge you faced." · Tailored Answer: "I'll use an example where a delivery was off-track, and the client was at risk. Since this role requires managing complex vendor relationships, this will show you how I navigate friction points." · Why it works: You've tailored your answer to their needs. You're not just telling a story; you're illustrating your value. · Weak Question: "What is your greatest strength?" · Tailored Answer: "My strongest skill is identifying operational bottlenecks before they hit the P&L. For Vandelay Industries, which is scaling quickly, this means I can ensure your growth doesn't outpace your infrastructure." · Why it works: You've turned a personality trait into a business asset. · Weak Question: "Where do you see yourself in five years?" · Tailored Answer: "In five years, I plan to have mastered this market segment. But more importantly, in the first six months here, I intend to have your new regional office operating at full capacity so that the five-year goals we set are starting to be visibly accomplished." · Why it works: You've brought a hypothetical future back to you, being a hire that'll offer an immediate ROI. You're also telling them you're focused on their five-year plan, not just yours. · Weak Question: "Why should we hire you instead of someone else?" · Tailored Answer: "I'm not here just to do a job. I'm here to take on your challenges. This job appealed to me because of your recent expansion into the Toronto market. I have the specific vendor contacts and local regulatory experience that would enable me to shave three months off your rollout time." · Why it works: You've moved from "I'm a hard worker," which every candidate claims to be, to "I am a strategic partner who can provide an advantage." Guiding your interviewer, if necessary, isn't about taking control or appearing boastful. Instead, it's about helping them easily recognize your value. The more specific and relevant your responses are to the value you delivered to your previous employers, the less effort your interviewer needs to assess your value. The quality of your answers (read: their influence on your interviewer) is measured not by how long you talk, but by how effectively you communicate that you can influence the employer's profitability. When your interviewer appears disengaged or seems to be struggling, don't get frustrated. Instead, do your best to provide answers that'll help them see you have the skills, experience, and drive to influence profitability.

“You Don’t Get to Rewrite History — Especially When I Was There”

There’s a line in public life you don’t cross. Not policy. Not politics. History. Because when you start rewriting history to suit a narrative, you’re not leading anymore — you’re managing perception. And in Clarington, that’s exactly what’s happening. Let’s Be Very Clear — I Was There I’m not commenting from the outside. I was: - The Regional Councillor when the Clarington Board of Trade was created - The Mayor of Clarington who worked directly with it So when I hear statements that don’t align with reality — I’m not guessing. I’m correcting the record. The Claim That Needs to Be Shut Down The suggestion that the Greater Oshawa Chamber of Commerce was offered the opportunity to provide these services is not just misleading. It’s false. And Now It’s Being Repeated Public commentary has suggested this was a competitive or open opportunity. That did not occur. Not formally. Not informally. Not procedurally. What Actually Happened Under the previous council — including Mayor Diane Hamre: - The Greater Oshawa Chamber of Commerce was not recognized as representing Clarington businesses - They were not permitted to be referenced in Council chambers in that capacity How the Board of Trade Was Actually Created - Clarington lost its Economic Development Officer - A Mayor’s Task Force was struck - CAO Bill Stockwell stated: “Business sells to business better than government sells to business.” We created the Board of Trade as a targeted tool. Its first Chair was Mike Patrick of the Bowmanville Foundry — a respected business owner who was chosen for a reason, not by accident. Another Myth When I became Mayor: - I recognized the Chamber’s support for nuclear projects - But I never opened the door for them to replace the Board of Trade The model was already working. What the Board of Trade Was Meant to Do - Business Retention - Business-to-Business Engagement The Current Model Works - Board of Trade = retention - Municipality = growth This Is About Accountability This isn’t about opinion. It’s about record. If a statement is made publicly — by anyone, including the current mayor — that contradicts how decisions were actually made… It deserves to be corrected. Factually. Final Reality Check The Board of Trade: - Was created intentionally - Was not the result of an open competition - Has a defined role I have no issue with it. Mr. X Takeaway Accountability starts with the truth. And the truth doesn’t change just because the narrative does.

FAZIO - THE LEGEND DIES… WHO WILL BE NEXT?

FAZIO - THE LEGEND DIES... WHO WILL BE NEXT? By Joe Ingino BA. Psychology Editor/Publisher Central Newspapers ACCOMPLISHED WRITER/AUTHOR OF OVER 800 ,000 Published Columns in Canada and The United States It is a sign of the times. One after another local downtown businesses closing. Just recently it was announced that the famous ‘Fazio’s’, subsequently ‘The Legend of Fazio’, had it’s last serving. Once a mighty hot spot. A hub for politicos, society butterflies and the like. It was a place to be seen. This was during the good times of our core. Today our core looks and feels more like a battle ground than a welcoming place. Riddled with pot shops, questionable entities. I have seen administrations come and go. I can tell you first hand. Municipal government have become ineffective. Made up of people that only care about either pensions, pension cushioning and or the un-employable that got lucky during an election. We do not have leaders... we have opportunists. As a local long standing business man and consultant based downtown. I can tell you that the decay of our core is the responsibility of the two elected downtown core council members. Neither of them have any business experience. Neither of them ever had a business in the core. Then how are we the taxpayers expecting them to know what is needed for the success of the core. I tried working with Rick Kerr, I offered my experience and connections in the core. He only came in once. When I spoke with him it was like i was speakings some foreign language. The other local elected scoundrel... could or will never be hired by anyone to hold a position of responsibility as that of which he has been elected. So what is he doing representing the downtown business community? He has never once visited my office as his local media and city newspaper. Instead this character, has attacked my local business and other downtown businesses. He has been known to waste tax payers dollars and resources on political vendettas hearings. In my opinion a punk with luck. I can’t understand how voters allowed him a second term. I know that if I was in office. My frist thing would be to meet with all the local downtown businesses and land owners. Come up with special constituency plans addressing rents. The core will only come to life is we drop rental rates. Create parking and rid of the crime. I would assure that all downtown merchants received special hydro/gas cut rates. We can’t expect change with punks and dream catcher at the helm. I surely ask all reading this that during the 2026 we get rid of the deadwood and bring in some real business leadership.

We scrutinize Rouge Park land. Why not golf courses the size of airports?

We scrutinize Rouge Park land. Why not golf courses the size of airports? by Maj (ret’d) CORNELIU, CHISU, CD, PMSC FEC, CET, P.Eng. Former Member of Parliament Pickering-Scarborough East In the Greater Toronto Area, few debates have been as intense—or as politically charged—as the future of farmland and green space around Rouge National Urban Park. For years, governments, environmental advocates and local communities have contested every hectare. The objective is clear: protect prime agricultural land, preserve ecosystems and manage the pressures of relentless urban expansion. Now, with the federal government stepping away from the long-proposed Pickering airport on lands held for decades by Transport Canada, the debate has entered a new phase. Thousands of acres of publicly owned farmland—adjacent to Rouge Park—are once again open to policy decisions. What should be done with them? It is an important question. But it is also an incomplete one. Because while we scrutinize every acre of public land in Rouge and Pickering, we continue to ignore a far larger reality—one that sits in plain sight across Durham Region and the eastern GTA. Golf courses. The land we choose not to see In Durham Region alone, golf courses occupy an estimated eight to 10 square kilometres of land. That is not a marginal figure. It is comparable to the footprint of Vancouver International Airport and not insignificant relative to Calgary International Airport or Edmonton International Airport. If a proposal were brought forward today to build an airport of that size on prime land in the GTA, it would trigger years of environmental assessments, legal challenges and public consultations. Yet that same scale of land already exists—distributed across golf courses—and it is almost entirely absent from serious policy discussion. This is not an oversight. It is a contradiction. A double standard The case for protecting Rouge Park and the Pickering lands rests on the value of Class 1 farmland—some of the most productive soil in Canada. This is a compelling argument. Food security, climate resilience and long-term economic sustainability depend on preserving such land. However, many golf courses sit on the same class of land. They are often former farms, converted over time into low-density recreational spaces serving a relatively small portion of the population. They occupy large, contiguous tracts—exactly the kind of land policymakers now argue is too valuable to lose. Yet, unlike farmland, golf courses are rarely subjected to the same scrutiny or policy pressure. If the principle is that prime land must be protected for the public good, it cannot be applied selectively. The Pickering paradox The cancellation of the Pickering airport proposal has created a rare opportunity. For decades, these federally owned lands were effectively frozen, reserved for infrastructure that never came. Now, they can be reimagined. Some argue they should remain entirely agricultural. Others propose integrating them into Rouge Park. Still others see an opportunity for carefully planned development to address the region’s housing shortage. All of these positions are valid. However, they also reveal a deeper inconsistency. We are prepared to debate publicly owned farmland hectare by hectare, while ignoring privately held land of comparable scale that could offer greater flexibility. It is as if one category of land is considered strategic, while another is simply beyond discussion. Housing and hard choices The GTA’s housing shortage is no longer theoretical. Governments are under pressure to increase supply, accelerate approvals and identify land for development. At the same time, there is strong resistance—rightly so—to building on protected farmland or environmentally sensitive areas. This is where the silence around golf courses becomes consequential. These lands are: · already cleared and serviced · often located near existing infrastructure · large enough to support meaningful development Even partial repurposing—10 to 20 per cent of golf course land—could support tens of thousands of housing units across the region, while preserving recreational use. This is not about eliminating golf. It is about acknowledging that land use must evolve. Why the silence persists The answer is straightforward. Golf courses are politically comfortable. They are established, familiar and rarely controversial. They do not generate the same level of opposition as new development or infrastructure projects. In short, they are easy to ignore. However, good policy is not about avoiding difficult conversations. It is about confronting them—especially when they involve trade-offs of this magnitude. A question of fairness Public lands like Rouge Park and the Pickering lands are subject to intense scrutiny because they are meant to serve the broader public interest. Their use must be justified in terms of environmental value, agricultural productivity or public access.Golf courses, by contrast, are typically: · privately owned or membership-based · accessible to a limited segment of the population · maintained with significant resource inputs This is not an argument against golf. It is an argument for consistency. If one category of land must justify its use in terms of public benefit, then all categories should be held to a comparable standard. Time for a coherent strategy The real issue is not golf courses—or even the Pickering lands.It is the absence of a coherent, region-wide land-use strategy. What we have instead is fragmentation: · intense scrutiny of public land · relative silence on large private land uses · reactive decisions driven by pressure rather than planning A serious strategy would apply consistent criteria across all land uses, evaluate them based on long-term public benefit and explore multi-use models that integrate recreation, housing and green space. The broader test The debate over Rouge Park and the Pickering lands is necessary. However, its credibility depends on its scope. If we are willing to scrutinize public farmland hectare by hectare, we must also be willing to examine other large-scale land uses with equal rigour. Because in a region where land is finite and growth is inevitable, what we choose not to debate matters just as much as what we do. And silence, in this case, is not neutrality. It is a policy choice.

WRONG EXAMPLE

WRONG EXAMPLE By Wayne and Tamara I think I'm in a tight spot. My older brother is married with two young children. He was caught having a little Internet fling a few years ago. Nothing happened, but I suppose the correct way of putting it is he emotionally cheated. He felt like crud, and we all thought he had put this behind him. He and his wife have been to counseling, and he did his best to be the best husband ever. Currently they're tense whenever they are together. You can cut the air with a knife, and it seems they are always ready to snap at each other. It's not easy to be around them. My brother and I went to lunch today. Lately he's been constantly texting on his device, and today it lit up with a text. I glanced at what he was typing, thinking it was business. I saw him type, "So u say u like to role play. Tell me…" I stopped and looked at the ground. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. So now, what do I do? I really don't think he was texting his wife. They're not sexual or warm toward one another, and even if they were, he would know her likes by now, right? It's a new girl. Got to be. Do I tell my fiancée, who is friends with my sister-in-law? Dennis Dennis, will you share your thoughts and events of the day with your life partner? Or will you compartmentalize what you say to her? Your brother's marriage has reached a point where he is leading a second life away from his wife. That's not because it doesn’t concern her, but because he has become a double agent. Such a divide is always present with two people who don't belong together. You know what is right in a relationship. You saw a wrong happen, and you are affected by it. Your fiancée is also likely to be affected by it. By all means share what you saw. With her you want the closeness, love, and trust which is missing from your brother's marriage. Wayne & Tamara Sticks And Stones I am newly remarried and recently my husband compared a part of my body to his ex-wife, who I will call X. We were fooling around, and he grabbed my breast and said, "Nice, but X's are bigger." I freaked. I flipped him out of his chair, kicked him, and pushed him down the hallway, hitting and screaming at him. Last time I had that much anger and acted like that, I was in my 20s, angry at my first husband, and alcohol was involved. I feel bad I hit him and have made an appointment for counseling. My husband has apologized, but now I am thinking he must still be thinking of his ex, since he mentioned her body parts like that. I was not previously jealous, but now I am. He has to maintain a relationship with her as they have a young child together. I am attractive, and she is fat and not very pretty. Should I just drop this? Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing. Staci Staci, the old line about sticks and stones is false. Words do hurt, especially from a loved one. The real story is your feelings toward his ex-wife. In marrying him, you became her hostage. She is a cash and time drain on your marriage. Their child is a reminder of their sexual relationship. Even though you both have a past, you have to wonder, what did he do with her? How do I compare? The issue to explore in counseling is the basis of your gut reaction. Love, not looks, is the real basis for comparison with the ex-wife. If you and your husband share the deep emotional connection which holds two people together, there is nothing to worry about. Wayne & Tamara

The Right Attitude Helps with a Fractured Hip

The Right Attitude Helps with a Fractured Hip Common Sense Health – Diana Gifford-Jones No one wants to get that call. A loved one has taken a fall. There’s always the hope that it will be just a bruise and shaken confidence. But when the ensuing emergency treatment confirms a fractured hip, it’s time for everyone to bring out their best skills in patience. Falls are, unfortunately, very common. But their consequences are anything but trivial. Research published in journals such as the Journal of Bone and Mineral Research and the New England Journal of Medicine has long shown that a hip fracture in later life is no walk in the park. Yet, the major risks associated with hip fractures are well known, and medical teams are trained to mitigate the ones that can cause problems while in the hospital. Hip fracture surgery has risks, but today, most people come through it. Roughly four in five older adults survive the year following a hip fracture. Few will return to their previous level of mobility and independence. But a hip fracture today is not what it was forty years ago. Dr. Mary Tinetti, Professor of Medicine at Yale University School of Medicine, has spent a career studying why people fall. One of her observations is that it is often the more active, capable older adult who sustains the most serious injuries. They move more quickly, take more chances, and neglect preventative measures. Falling, she argues, is rarely due to a single cause. It is the result of small changes accumulating over time. Vision becomes less reliable. Balance is easily lost. Medications interact. Muscles lose strength. Some falls are preventable. The edges of rugs are a hazard, as is poor lighting. Showers, even with grab bars, are slippery places. Preventing a fall means slowing down so that every movement is a safe and steady one. But even with care, falls still happen. The evidence of many studies shows that frailty, rather than age, is the key determinant of rehabilitation outcomes. So whether before, for prevention, or after a fall, for recovery, exercise is critical. That’s why physiotherapy is standard practice for post-operative treatment. At any age, but particularly after 50, experts agree that people should be engaged in resistance training 2-3 days a week, aerobic exercise at least 3 times a week, and balance training just as frequently. Having professional physiotherapists to guide a program of exercise is ideal. Left to their own devices, people fail to do what’s good for them. In the U.S., large-scale surveys show that even after encouragement, about 80 percent of people don’t meet the guidelines. Getting started isn’t hard. Experts say that standing on one foot, then the other, while doing the dishes is one place to start. Slowly standing and sitting without using the arms is another good exercise. But here’s interesting news. In a longitudinal study of nearly 700 people who experienced a fall, researchers found that mindset matters. Independent of other important factors such as age, gender, and pre-fall physical function, people with positive self-perceptions of aging had significantly better outcomes as measured two years after their fall. In sports psychology, there is an expression, “The body achieves what the mind believes.” Athletes understand. Kids too. It’s just the older set that needs to internalize this. So patience, but resolve, if you are the unlucky victim of a fractured hip. It’s a long road to recovery, but with careful and consistent exercise, and a healthy outlook, you can ensure your place in the group of people who come through the trauma.

The Day We Stopped Answering the Knock

The Day We Stopped Answering the Knock By Dale Jodoin Columnist It did not happen all at once. No one woke up and said, “That’s it, I don’t care anymore.” It came in small moments, quiet ones, the kind you almost miss. Like standing at the grocery checkout. The screen lights up. It asks for a donation. You pause. You think. You look at your cart like it might answer for you. Then you press “no.” Not fast. Not angry. Just tired. You glance around for a second after, like someone might have seen. No one did. Or maybe they did and just understood. That is where the story really starts. A few years ago, most of us would have said yes. A dollar. Five dollars. Maybe more if we could. It felt like part of who we were. You help where you can. You do your part. That part of us is still here. But life has changed. Walk through any store now. People are not browsing. They are calculating. You see it in their faces. They pick something up, check the price, then put it back. A man holds two packs of meat. He only takes one. A woman counts coins before she taps her card. A young worker checks his bank app before he pays. No one says a word. But everyone understands. Money is tighter than it has been in a long time. Food costs keep rising. Every week it feels higher. Rent keeps climbing too. For many people, it is not just hard, it is overwhelming. You pay it, and there is not much left. Young people feel it the most. They are trying to start their lives, but it feels like the ground keeps moving. Jobs are harder to find. Good jobs feel out of reach. Some move back home. Some take whatever they can get. Some just keep trying and hoping something opens up. And in the middle of all this, the tasks keep coming. Charities call. Emails pile up. Ads show up online. The bank asks. The store asks. There is always another cause, another need, another voice asking for help. At first, people try to keep up. They give a little here, a little there. They tell themselves it still matters. Then reality hits. A bigger grocery bill than last week. A rent increase. A payment that suddenly hurts more than it used to. That is when something shifts. You start saying no more often. Not because you want to. Because you have to. And here is the part people do not say out loud. Some of us have started avoiding it on purpose. We tap faster at the machine. We look away from the person with the clipboard. We scroll past the story that asks for help. Not because we do not care. Because we cannot carry one more thing. That is when the guilt creeps in. You feel it when you walk past a donation box. When you skip a fundraiser. When you ignore a message asking for help. You tell yourself, “Next time.” You tell yourself, “When things get better.” But next time I keep moving further away. After a while, something else happens. You start turning the volume down on that feeling. You have to. Because caring like that, all the time, costs something. It costs energy. It costs peace. It follows you home and sits with you when you are trying to rest. So you quiet it. From the outside, it can look like people stopped caring. That is not what is happening. People are trying to stay afloat. You cannot be generous when you are scared. Picture someone in deep water. They are not thinking about saving everyone else. They are trying to keep their own head above the surface. That is where a lot of Canadians are right now. And here is the hard truth. The more people are pushed, the less they can give. When every moment feels like another ask, another reminder, another weight, people do not open up. They close off. They protect what little they have left. Money, yes. But also their energy, their peace, their sanity. There is another side to this that makes it even harder. We still spend on small things sometimes. A coffee. A treat. Something to feel normal for a moment. Then later, we look at the bill and wonder if we should have said yes to that donation instead. That back and forth sits with people. No one talks about the moment caring starts to feel like pressure. But it is happening. There is also the question people keep to themselves. They look at what they pay in taxes. They hear about spending, programs, and promises. They are told more is needed. But their own lives are getting tighter, not easier. So they ask, quietly, where is it going? Why does it feel like it is never enough? Those questions hang there. And still, the tasks keep coming. This is where the warning lives. If we keep pushing people who are already struggling, we risk losing something deeper than donations. We risk losing trust. We risk wearing down the very instinct that made people want to help in the first place. Because generosity is not endless. It needs room. It needs stability. Right now, many people have neither. They are not bad people. They are not selfish. They are tired. They are stretched thin. They are doing everything they can just to hold their own lives together. We still care. We just ran out of room to carry it all. If we want that caring to come back strong, we have to let people stand again first. Ease the pressure. Give people room to breathe. Because when people feel steady again, they will give. They always have. But here is the part we should not ignore. Some people have already stopped answering the knock. And that number is growing. That is the warning. Because when people stop answering, it is not loud. It is quiet. Quiet enough that no one notices at first. Until one day, the knock is still there. But no one opens the door.

When Good Intentions Go Wrong

When Good Intentions Go Wrong The Bike Lane Problem in Bowmanville There’s a difference between smart infrastructure and ideological infrastructure. Right now, in parts of downtown Bowmanville—particularly corridors like Liberty Street and King Street East—we’re not seeing thoughtful planning. We’re seeing the forced application of a one-size-fits-all policy that ignores the physical realities of the road. Let’s be clear: this is not an argument against cycling. Cycling infrastructure, when done properly, improves safety, reduces congestion, and enhances communities. But when it’s forced into corridors that were never designed to accommodate it—by stripping away existing traffic lanes—we create the opposite outcome: congestion, driver frustration, and, ironically, new safety risks. What we’re witnessing is a classic case of policy over practicality. Downtown Bowmanville is not a wide, multi-lane urban grid. It is a constrained, functioning corridor that already balances commercial access, parking, deliveries, and commuter traffic. Removing a live traffic lane in that environment doesn’t “calm traffic”—it compresses it. The result? - Increased bottlenecks - Reduced emergency response efficiency - More aggressive driving behavior due to congestion - And in some cases, greater risk for both drivers and cyclists There is a better way—and it already exists. Across Europe, municipalities have moved toward dedicated, off-road cycling networks wherever possible. These are: - Physically separated from vehicular traffic - Integrated with parks, boulevards, and secondary corridors - Designed for safety without compromising primary road function. This is not theory. It’s proven. Instead of forcing bike lanes onto already constrained arterial roads, municipalities like Clarington—and across Durham Region—should be asking a simple question: Where can cycling infrastructure be built properly, not just conveniently? That means: - Leveraging hydro corridors - Utilizing parkland connections - Creating parallel cycling routes off main streets - Designing infrastructure that works with traffic, not against it Because good planning isn’t about checking a box—it’s about outcomes. Right now, the outcome in parts of Bowmanville is clear: more congestion, more confusion, and a growing disconnect between policy and lived experience. If we actually care about safety—for cyclists and drivers alike—we need to stop forcing infrastructure into places it doesn’t belong and start designing it where it does. That’s not anti-cycling. That’s just good planning.