Chasing the Clock The Universal Anxiety Which Surrounds Loss of Time

Chasing the Clock The Universal Anxiety Which Surrounds Loss of Time By Camryn Bland Youth Columnist Everyone is given the same 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and 365 days in a year. Yet, each individual chooses to spend those moments differently, shaped by personal goals, motivations, and circumstances. These moments make up more than one hour or day; they become our entire lives, second by second, whether we recognizeit or not. This reality of time can be viewed with either calm acceptance or anxious worry. Some individuals believe time is in abundance, that a few productive hours justify rest without purpose. However, many others fear the end of the day, concluding time slips away much too quickly. In a better system, I do not believe we would ever be confined to a 24 hour day. I am constantly paralyzed by the cl0ck, wondering how much of my unachievable workload I can get through before the clock strikes midnight. Although everyone shares the same 24 hour day, personal situations make each day distinct. While I study, a classmate is unable to do the same because she has to manage her family, while another can barely get out of bed. I know I am extremely fortunate to have the control which I do. I am able to choose the classes I study in and pursue activities which were chosen to better my future. Yet, despite the advantages, these choices overwhelm me. I want to manage everything, take extra courses, participate in every extracurricular, and master hundreds of skills. Doing it all is impossible, yet I hold a menu of possibilities which I am tooindecisive to choose from. I feel my only option is to order everything or nothing at all. I chase goals without understanding why, save money with no budget, study with no expectation. I spend such a large portion of my life working towards milestones I can’t explain, goals set with no real intentions. The clock keeps moving forward while I keep working, yet I don’t trust the direction either of us are heading towards. One day it may strike midnight, and I’ll realize I never wanted this in the first place. My combination of action and uncertainty can be closely related to the ideal “hustle culture,” as I am surrounded by others who seem so self-assured. People describe their non-stop days, every moment seemingly purposeful. Although this idea is clearly flawed, it continues to drain my motivation, setting an unattainable standard. This has created a need for action, even when the action lacks meaning. Somewhere along the way, time stopped being a gift and became a to-do list. We measure our worth by how many boxes we can check off, or how efficiently we use each hour. Rest, relaxation, and enjoyment never make it on the list, as they are never a priority. I sit, staring at the clock tick like sand running through my fingers, unable to catch a single grain. I fear it may be gone before I can prevent it, I know it is impossible to stop it. I may dictate my activities, but I will be forever confined to a day without enough time. The reality and illusion of control leaves me powerless, understanding I plan for something that was never meant to be mastered. The thought of looking back and regretting my past terrifies me. Every action is irreversible, every decision final. How many social events will I sacrifice for work, or assignments will I miss because of social events? Minor choices feel detrimental, and all regrettable. No matter which of the endless options I choose, none are correct. No matter which way I spin it, this anxiety is futile. I can not control every second, cannot plan the rest of my life. If I continue to attempt this, I will miss the moments in between the days, the seconds filled with happiness instead of intention. The point of a day isn’t to micro-manage and panic, but to experience and learn. As long as we spend our lives thriving to our own standards, then maybe our time is okay. Maybe, the point isn’t to fill every second, but to feel it. The only way to make full use of our time is to find a balance between micro-managing and apathy. We must plan what we can to make our days most worthwhile, but not sacrifice the little moments of rest. We need to stop chasing the moments not meant for perfection, and instead live inside of the opportunities they present. We cannot control the clock, cannot make it stop ticking. However, we can take control in a different way; we can fill each second, hour, and day with balance which makes life worth living.