On The Road Again

On The Road Again By Wayne and Tamara I have been married almost two years to my second husband, and we were together almost five years before we got married. We are truck drivers and work together so there is never alone time. My husband is mentally abusive and has been for a long time. He puts his ex-wife before me. Our income used to be half and half, and now it seems like it is all his. I don’t get a say in how or when it is spent. His bills come first. I am constantly told I’m stupid, worthless, and can’t do anything on my own. The list goes on and on. I look at my husband now, and I don’t like what I see. He looks at pornography on the internet daily, and I have caught him writing to other women. He says I am making it all up. He is also a lazy person who won’t even get up to get his own drink. Deep down all I want to do is leave. Gina Gina, this is the picture we get from your letter. You and your husband are long-haul truck drivers, living in the sleeper of your truck, driving day and night as you crisscross the United States. It’s a hard life and a hard job, and when you add emotional abuse to it, it becomes impossible. Most people believe that those who are rude or abusive or cruel need to change. Tamara doesn’t take that view at all. She believes jerks have the right to be jerks. Why? Because if you had the right to change your husband, he would have the right to change you. And a man like that would have already written us asking how to transform you into what he wants. You are holding your hand in a fire. Until you accept that you are the one who needs fixing, you won’t pull your hand out. But you are fortunate because you have a driving skill which is always in demand. You could go anywhere. Establish a home base, even if it is only a furnished room, and explore with an individual counselor why you are willing to accept abuse in your life. Jerks get to be jerks, and that is perfectly all right. What they don’t get to do is ruin our lives. Pull your hand out of the fire. Wayne Pants On Fire My boyfriend told me he broke up with his ex-girlfriend six months ago when he moved her back to her house. He has been working and living with me in another city since. He seems to have an answer for every question, and the only thing I really know about him is what he tells me. I admit I did jump into this relationship quickly. I recently found out he calls her every day. He is supporting her 100 percent. I also saw part of an email where he said he loved her and can’t wait to come home with her. He claims he did not know why he sent the email, and he denies everything else. He tells me he loves me and wants a life with me. Do you see any hope for our relationship? Stephie Stephie, should we repeat your words back to you? You got into this too quickly. One of the worst things you can say about someone is they have an answer for everything which satisfies nothing. That’s a character flaw and a marker for a person who is self-centered and untrustworthy. Some of us don’t have the temperament to fire another, no matter how much they need to be fired. If you can’t argue with his silver tongue, after you tell him he is moving out, block out his words by singing a song to yourself. The one we suggest begins, “Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more no more no more.” Tamara