Rules Of Conduct

I have been obsessed with a male teacher of mine for months. I am a 16-year-old girl, and he is in his late 30s, married, with young children. We have a nice rapport and are friends in a very appropriate sense. I’ve been to his place to meet his family a couple of times. He is proper and respectful to me, as a teacher should be. However, I have a huge crush on him. I think about him constantly, and every time we exchange a few words, my heart races. I hope this obsession will die down, but in the meantime I want to know what to do. I know we can’t be more than friends, even though I’d love to kiss him. Should I discuss my feelings with him? I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t want him to be uncomfortable. Darcy Darcy, a crush is not a “we thing,” it is a “me thing.” It is something you experience and let pass. Left alone, time takes care of it, and your letter shows you know that. If you believe that is true, then why do you want to talk to your teacher about it? Because you still have a fantasy about making something occur. Some part of you wants to test your powers on him, even though he is not actively seeking a relationship. In legal ethics, there is a principle known as “the appearance of evil.” What it means is that lawyers, and especially judges, should not only avoid doing things which are wrong, they should avoid even what could erroneously be perceived as being wrong. That is the position your teacher is in. For the sake of a romantic play in your head, you could jeopardize this man’s marriage and family life, his career and place in the community. At the very least, you will strain your relationship and make him wary of being in the same room with you. Talking about this can only spoil your relationship. Wayne Dating Principles I’m 42, divorced from my husband of 20 years. The dating scene has changed so much I feel as if I am back in high school trying to figure out the difference between games and reality. I’m an assistant principal and needed to talk with a principal from out of state concerning a new student. During our telephone conversations, we found out we are both single, the same age. We exchanged emails, and he suggested exchanging pictures. I sent mine, and the email stopped. I know what that sounds like. He didn’t like what he saw. I’m a nice-looking woman and take care of myself. I feel so vulnerable and innocent at times. My husband was the only man in my life from college until last year, so I am not very experienced. My questions are simple. How do I know if a man is really interested, or just out for a fun time? When does a man feel a woman is too pushy? Rebecca Rebecca, the quickest way to find out if a man is just looking for a fun time is not to give him one. This doesn’t mean you can’t be a pleasant date or a good conversationalist, it means just leave it there. Let a man get to know you. If he keeps coming back, the interest is in you. Thinking about why this man hasn’t emailed is absolute speculation. It can range from you look like the woman who broke his heart to, at second thought, a long distance relationship is too much trouble. Don’t let “no” prevent you from going forward, presenting yourself with absolute honesty. There is no more powerful appeal than honesty. Honesty is only perceived as pushiness when the other person doesn’t want what you want. “Pushy” is just a negative word for that. Wayne & Tamara Wayne & Tamara write: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.