Cutting The Cord

I am of Indian descent and come from a very good family background. A boy from abroad has asked for my hand in marriage, and my parents accepted his offer. We are expected to marry early next year. My parents say I will finally get to love this boy, but in my heart I know I never will. I am madly in love with a boy no one knows about. Our relationship is a secret. I love only him and no one else, and if my parents found out I would be in big, big trouble. If I sat down and talked to my parents, they would explode because they are old-fashioned people. Wayne and Tamara, I love my parents as well as this boy no one knows about. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't know who to please. The reason why I write to you is because I think only the two of you could help me. I am 18 years of age, and my parents don't want me to work so I am still a minor. Devi Devi, whether one believes in arranged marriages or not, one thing is clear. Arranged marriage belongs more to the human past than the human future. Slavery was a common feature of the ancient world, but it is an unusual one of the modern world. In the same way, arranged marriage is becoming less common. In marriage, as in other areas, things are moving toward more choice, more freedom, and greater self-determination. Some people argue that arranged marriages are more successful than freely chosen ones, but it is not a fair comparison. Arranged marriage is often enforced by the threat of expulsion from the family, the social group, and the culture. How does a young person stand up against that? To be put in this position in itself means you are now an adult woman, not a minor child. You must make a choice and that choice, though difficult, will give you the solution. But you must be willing and prepared to accept the consequences. The first thing we suggest is don't marry your boyfriend to prevent this forced marriage. He may, or may not, be the right one for you. Then decide whether being pushed into a marriage by your parents is an act of love on their part, or simply the desire to have their own way. Finally, consider what it would mean for a woman to be intimate with a man she does not love. People are more than breeding stock, and going against your parents' wishes doesn't make you a bad child. It is not a reason to disown you, though that may happen. You are simply a woman who needs time, and the freedom, to decide on her own future. Wayne & Tamara Malpractice I am a 32-year-old male, married for five years. My married life has not been happy because I daily regret marrying the woman I married. Even as I said the vows, I knew I was not being honest. Our values and loves are vastly different. Stupid as it sounds, I went through with it. Perhaps as a consequence, I never felt committed and cheated throughout our marriage. I often think we are merely meeting a social expectation by remaining married. I went to a counselor, but ended up having an affair with her. Now I feel I need to find happiness, but have no idea how to end my marriage. Sergio Sergio, you stood at the altar and spoke what you knew to be a lie. You sought counseling as if a counselor could undo this lie. It is poetic justice your counselor proved by her actions she doesn't have one of what she is selling. Both of you need to go back to where you made your first mistake. You to the courthouse. She to her academic advisor. Tamara Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Age Difference Relationships, When Is the Gap Insurmountable, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers. Wayne & Tamara write: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com