PATHWAYS TO HOMELESSNESS #3

 PATHWAYS TO HOMELESSNESS #3
 Written by,  Sharleen Cainer, BSW RSW
   It's a real shame. My mother used to say that, and it pertained to anything from a volcanic eruption taking out an entire village, to missing the shoe sale at Calderone's. The shame of it all.
As a society we historically used shame routinely with children in efforts to correct their unappreciated behaviours. Boys were trained to feel shame if they cried or showed emotion. Girls were trained to feel shame if they engaged in sexual activities, while the boys were considered conquerors when they engaged in sexual activities. I used to ask who the boys were supposed to be having sex with, if the girls were "bad" girls when they were ready to participate.
Feelings of shame lead us to feel self hatred, diminished self esteem, and incompetence. Unresolved issues of shame take us down a dark lonely path filled with pitfalls and inability to engage in adult life. It is the birth of mental illness for many. So, the logical thought would be, the use of shame is passe. Well, no it is not, it is live and well, existing in an email headed your way. Professionals now write emails to each other, about a 3rd party, with implications that one should have known better, or the 3rd party is not skilled enough, but should be, and so on. The 3rd party is usually copied on the email so she can see the demeaning comments and can only comment after the fact, when the other participants have moved on. That is corporate shaming.
The cyber bully is the top performing purveyor of shame and self hate affecting many kids today. One in three to be exact. Many of these young people have taken their lives as a result of the emotional pain, fear of attack, and debilitating feeling of shame, which usurps their ability to communicate their suffering. Children and young adults are the constant recipients, participants, and instigators of cyber bullying.
Moving into adulthood we all hold feelings of shame because nobody got through childhood or their teenage years unscathed.  Often times, we are faced with challenges that we have no idea how we are to mitigate. Attempts to curb the impending disasters fail, and people often will take a seat on their own personal "runaway train" and wait for the wreck to happen. The lack of self esteem, the over abundance of shame and the crowning glory of self doubt, fuel the engine straight into disaster.  
A disaster for many is the loss of home, the loss of income, and the loss of family. For Indigenous people, the loss of culture, the loss of language and the barriers to health, education, appropriate housing, are extra burdens to be carried.  Shame was used by governments to prohibit Indigenous culture. Shame was used to take language from children, shame was used to limit education, health, and housing. The Indigenous were inundated with shame.
Afro-Canadians carry shame that is intergenerational and deliberate. We are all familiar with the escalating incidences of violence against visible minorities, black youth in particular.  We used to worry about the girls walking home alone, now we worry about the boys, regardless of if they are walking, driving or just taking out the trash. The escalation of racial violence in the states escalated very easily, and is emulated by Canadians, despite our protests that we are better than that.  We wish we are better than that. How is it that so many people suddenly unleash a hatred for their fellow man.  Black on black crime is born out of long-suffering shame. It is systemic shaming that comes from not being respected in school, not being respected in the community. It comes from having their culture usurped and used and dismissed as light entertainment. It comes from everyday interaction with people in authority, cashiers, bank tellers, the police departments. It comes from society accepting that their lives don't matter.  Black children are six times more likely to be shot to death by police.    
Shame is a major contender on the road to homelessness.  It is never any one thing that walks a person to the threshold of having no threshold. There are many moving parts in this equation. But what happens when an individual is unable to navigate those moving parts because they do not believe they can, or they don't believe they are deserving of something better, or they don't feel they belong to a social structure whereby it is their right to participate and feel productive.  
We would have hoped that something like the pandemic would have brought us together, in a socially distanced kind of way.  People lending a helping hand, leaving no prisoners behind; that kind of thing. But it appears that in certain instances it has brought out the worst in many people. What would happen if people could just start the day with the simple task of using positive language with others. A little kindness is a lifeline for those who are struggling.  Homelessness has many pathways.