Out of the Frying Pan

Direct Answers from Wayne & Tamara

Each day, I feel I am merely existing and not living. I was widowed at 32 and have remained single. I feel unfulfilled with my job, my kids, and in this small town. I've always been restless, but I always made do. My kids are teenagers. As I get older, I want to do something drastically different with my life. A year ago, I corresponded with a man living in Alaska. I chickened out because it seemed too hard. I didn't feel I could live in the Alaskan bush after spending all my life taking indoor plumbing for granted. At the time, I was filled with doubt. Now I regret not making the attempt. All I want is to reconstruct my life, so I wake up each morning with gratitude for being alive. What can I do? Sherry Sherry, you have spent your life being someone else's child, someone else's wife, someone else's mother. How much time have you spent being yourself? Who are you, and who did you want to be? You had dreams; you had aspirations. What happened to them? Search the scrapbook of your memory, and find them again. That is the place to begin. Which of those items still stirs your spirit? What can you do, what can you change, what would it take to make any of them possible? You are at a weak point, so it is tempting to reconsider ideas you've already passed on. The Alaskan wilderness is someone else's dream. You dream of indoor plumbing and running water. Don't move from what you have to less. Move from what you have to more. You are still a young woman. You have most of a lifetime in front of you. Nearly all paths are still open to you. Give yourself time. Enjoy exploring all the possibilities. When you find what connects, act! Wayne & Tamara Falling Short Of Love I have been involved in a gay relationship for four years. For the past few months, times have been tough, though somehow we got through them. A year ago, my partner's father died and left her with nothing. Her mother put up the money on a house and moved in with us. This was the only way my partner could afford to buy a house. I contribute to the house payment but own nothing of the property. My lover's mother suffers from a mental disorder which causes her to go completely off her head at times and not remember a thing. I am starting to resent my partner for dragging me into this situation, even though I consented to the whole thing. My other problem is my best friend left last month to work overseas. I miss her terribly and told her I have been in love with her for three years. It started with a game of Truth or Dare. I regret mentioning my feelings, as I am afraid of losing my best friend. I just want to run away. The walls of my life are closing in, and I don't know where the door is anymore. Ginger Ginger, you are confused because you think being alone is worse than being in an unsatisfactory relationship. You don't want your partner, and your best friend declined your invitation. Tell your partner the truth, including your feelings for your best friend. Don't let her think her mother is the cause of the problem. You can't say you love your partner when, for three out of four years, you imagined yourself with another. It is love only when, no matter what difficulties or glories life brings, you can't imagine yourself with anyone else. Have courage. Honestly end your current relationship, so you are free before you begin another. Courage is the most liberating thing. It makes life simple. It opens doors when we can't find the way out. Wayne & Tamara write: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com