BY A NOSE

By A Nose from Wayne & Tamara My behavior and emotions make no sense to me. I have a wonderful boyfriend. At first I admit I was not fully attracted to him. At the time I was hung up on dating gorgeous men that in the end brought me nothing but a pretty face. But the more time I spent with my boyfriend, the more I realized how compatible we are. My friends and family love him. We are a great couple and share similar views on life. We laugh together and play together. He is ambitious, mature, and so sweet you can see the goodness in his heart by his eyes. In bed we have amazing chemistry. He is sensual and gentle, which is what I love and have at last found. One thing perplexes me: I cannot accept his large and long nose. I know it sounds crazy. This one imperfection of his keeps me from fully saying yes and concluding he is the perfect guy for me to marry. I've told him this, and he mostly laughs it off. He even makes fun of his own nose. I used to have a long nose myself, but not anymore. Could this be the insecurities I felt as an unattractive child? When I am with him, I am fully in love and forget about his nose. When he is gone, all these nagging doubts begin. Joyce Joyce, there are two versions of the Cyrano de Bergerac story: the original play by Edmond Rostand, and the movie version starring Steve Martin. In both stories, Cyrano fears rejection by the woman he loves because of his large nose. Rostand's play ends unhappily, but Martin's movie shows love triumphant. Unlike the Cyrano story, your boyfriend's nose is not a problem for him. It is a problem for you. You are doing to him what was done to you as a child. Others made you feel unattractive, and that is how you feel about him. Is being with him like wearing an ugly sweater? Do you obsess about what your children wouldlook like? We are not judging you based on this aspect of your personality, but you haven't met someone you love so much that the outside package doesn't matter. Love causes us to see the world through different eyes. Until that happens, your relationships may resemble the Rostand story, not Steve Martin's. Tamara Eight Million Stories I recently married. Prior to getting serious, I told my husband about my not so spotless past, giving him the opportunity to bow out. He said my past didn't matter. He didn't, however, return the favor. After we married, the official who denied his driver's license reinstatement told me he has not one, but seven alcohol related arrests. My husband vehemently denies he has a substance abuse problem, but he took 120 pain pills in a week's time. See a pattern? He accuses me of infidelity, which is impossible because he hardly ever lets me out of his sight. He's gone so far as to accuse me of poisoning our dog against him. To top off everything else, despite my parents helping us pay the bills, he recently bought a weekend at a time-share resort. I feel I've been fighting single-handedly for our marriage. Will this man ever live in reality? Mia Mia, the crime show "Naked City" ended each episode with the same tag line: "There are eight million stories in the Naked City. This has been one of them." Most of the shows ended on a melancholy note with people wishing things hadn't happened as they did. Your husband committed a crime against you: fraud. He was impersonating someone you could love. At the end of each "Naked City" episode, people dealt with the aftermath of what was done to them and moved on with their lives. Like everyone else in the Naked City, you should, too. Wayne SEND LETTERS TO: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, Apple, and booksellers everywhere.