Love Of Writing

from Wayne & Tamara I've been seeing a wonderful woman for about a year. We're in love, but I feel frustrated because I'm sometimes over the top in the romance department and she doesn't seem to respond. For example, if I write several paragraphs in an email about how much she means to me, I get a one or two line reply about something mundane like seeing me the next day. She says she's not expressive romantically but likes my romantic advances. Sometimes I feel as if she's the man, and I'm the woman. A lot of guys shy away from romance by telling their woman, "You already know I love you. Why do I have to tell you all the time?" I'm the exact opposite. I need to tell her and affirm her as often as I can, but sometimes I feel as if I'm a plain old pest with all my flowery stuff. How would I know if she's put off by all the romantic talk? Am I wrong to expect something she might not be wired to give? Emil Emil, let me give you three ways of looking at this. First, you are a writer who is looking for a reader. You are looking for someone who appreciates your poetry, but only a true fan of poetry can express that appreciation. Your girlfriend is not a true fan of poetry. It is as if you are a chef whose specialty is Italian, and she prefers Chinese. Or maybe it's this. You're giving her flowers seven days in a row and expecting the same reaction on the seventh day as on the first. It's almost as if you are making her dislike what you give her. Have you run her out of appreciation? Are you making her wallow in it? People like a little rain, but they don't want a flood. Or finally, maybe this is it. Part of what you find attractive in a woman is an appreciation of your nature. You want to be respected and praised for the way you are. That is also a negative element. Instead of this flowing from your nature, you also require praise for it. You want a certain kind of thanks for your gift. Poetry, when it works, allows the essence of a thing to show through. She may feel the essence of your relationship is that you are looking for a fan of yourself. You are trying to get praise from her without appreciating her. What do you appreciate about her? Is it the way she really is? Or the hours spent writing about how much you love her? What might she appreciate more: two hours spent writing a flowery email on your computer, or two hours spent dancing with her? If you require, for your happiness, appreciation of your romantic nature, then you must find someone who loves romance and can express it to you. They say opposites attract, but only when the opposite is appreciated for its difference. Tamara Fire And Ice I'm recently divorced, and I've found a great but not-so-great guy. We love old movies, working out at the gym together, and we think a lot alike. The one important thing is he says his heart is a block of ice, and he won't have a serious relationship with anyone. He plays the field. Yet he says he will commit to being a great friend. We watched movies together the other night, and now he wants more physically. He asked me to be his sex buddy. I've never had sex outside marriage. Yet he's wonderful with my child, fixes my car, and even does my dishes! Heather Heather, he is a block of ice, and you are playing with fire. The longer you have contact with him, the more likely he will get you where he wants you, not where you want to be. Wayne SEND LETTERS TO: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, Apple, and booksellers everywhere.