Fact Or Fiction

from Wayne & Tamara My husband ran away from home, cavorted with a younger woman he knew for three weeks, moved to another city, cashed in all his retirement money, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital in the rubber room. All this madness was diagnosed as bipolar disorder with psychosis. Recommendation: medication for life and the diligent care of a headshrinker. I have the urge to get even. I feel this was intentional even though the doctor tells me he was manic with impaired distorted thinking and delusions. He is responding well to medication. Have you any input from other people enduring affairs as a result of mental incompetence? Elise Elise, you are angry at your husband's betrayal, so it's perfectly normal to feel the urge to get even. But on a scale of one to 10, that response would be a zero. Having sex with another man, or doing something else to hurt your husband, only degrades you. If you cheat back on a cheater, all it does is vindicate them and what they have done. We suggest you look into the question of whether your husband has a mental illness. There are three areas to explore: firsthand accounts, specific advice about this disorder, and general advice for families. Let us suggest a book in each category. Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychologist, suffers from bipolar illness. In "An Unquiet Mind" she describes how wonderful the manic phase feels: you feel you can do anything, shyness vanishes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there. When she was manic, Jamison maxed out her credit cards and jumped from moving cars, but when her rage subsided, she fell into the blackest holes of the mind. In "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" David Miklowitz offers specific advice to patients and their families, while “Understanding Mental Illness” by Carlin Barnes and Marketa Wills offers help in understanding your husband's bizarre behavior. They also explore that sense of injustice you feel. Decide for yourself if your husband's actions are the actions of someone genuinely ill. If you believe he is not ill, you can decide to leave. If you believe he is ill, you must decide how to manage his illness while protecting yourself. Wayne & Tamara SEND LETTERS TO: Directanswers@WayneAndTamara.com Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, Apple, and booksellers everywhere.